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> You actually think it's justified...

Well, I agree it's morally questionable, but it's all a big spectrum. I'm not really trying to say what is or isn't "justified" in the abstract. Both of these people made bad decisions in different ways, and both suffered mighty consequences.

> Consent must be enthusiastic and sober

If two people each drink a beer and then have sex, did they rape each other? It's just not so black and white.

> I'm not sure if you can't see the power imbalance

:) Did you read the part of my comment where I said, "Yes, there's a power imbalance..." ?

> as if consent were ever possible

To say that she could not consent is to infantilize her. At the age of 21, we are responsible for our own decisions and their consequences.

Where exactly is the "sexual exploitation" part? He didn't blackmail her, he didn't force her, he didn't offer her favors/status in return for sex. She was not a child, she made her decisions, she regretted them. Yes, there's a power imbalance, but it's not as if this was some sort of Bill Cosby type of situation.

The thing is, /both people are telling the truth!/ If you read their accounts, they're not especially contradictory. It's not as if she's saying, "he raped me" and he's saying, "no I didn't."

It's somewhat subjective, but if you read between the lines, it's clear, and sad all around:

pretty.direct is borderline incel, incapable of forming meaningful romantic relationships. But he's not being malicious -- in his view, he's acting in good faith, trying to at least get some consensual action.

yifanxing is young and not yet sure how to exist in the world. She believes what people tell her.

They had sex, as humans do. She was friendly with him for a time thereafter, but eventually came to regret the act, and then came to see herself as a victim.

This was understandably unforseen by him, and the whole episode, though unfortunate, is not really worth all the anguish it has caused everyone.