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Comment by natch | Hacker News Reader

The one glaring surprise in this article is that the author thinks "excuse me" in US English is used as an expression of politeness. Usually it is used in the opposite way, as an innuendo which pretends to be polite on the surface but really means "hey, you are being rude by blocking the path / taking up too much space." If you don't believe me, pay attention to how it is used when walking or standing in a crowded shop, subway platform, or sidewalk in any crowded area of a US city. Especially listen to the tone of the words. When these words are used, it usually is not with anything near a polite tone.

"Pardon me" and "sorry" on the other hand are, in my experience, used politely.

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Personally, when I say "excuse me" on the pavement, I'm being sincere :) the space is no more mine than it is their's. But, I think all of this varies based on the culture of your immediate surroundings (for context, I live in London, UK). After all, "excuse me" could only be used ironically, if its genuine tone was apologetic (at least somewhere). I also have heard "pardon me" used interchangeably with "excuse me" in the ironic sense (usually to feign not having heard an offensive remark).

http://www.lady.co.uk/people/8352-pardon-that-s-practically-...

As you say, though, it all depends on tone. Excuse me can either be respectful, or it can be an accusation that you're being rude. When it's the latter, what the speaker really means is "Excuse you!"

Could you please elaborate with the language?

If someone says "excuse me" in an angry voice, it's sarcastic. If someone says "excuse me" in a soft voice, it's genuine.

Or something like that, anyhow. It's certainly possible to make it ambiguous, in which case it will simply be interpreted according to the mood of whoever hears it.

There's also the loud "excuse me" with upwards inflection which denotes the person has taken huge offence.

The choice of "excuse me" or "pardon me" is largely regional. I grew up with "excuse me," but switched to just "pardon" because it works in French and Spanish too.

If it is meant rudely or not is entirely based on the person's mood who said it and the vast majority of the time, the reason it is said with contempt in their voice is because the other person is ignoring social norms and being rude themselves.

Your example of standing in a crowded shop is quite apt here. The socially acceptable thing to do when you notice someone who wants to get by is to move back slightly and try to let them through. When you just stand there blocking the path without even trying even in a crowded shop, you have broken social norms which annoys people.

It can also of course be also be used rudely when someone is in a rush and is frustrated that people aren't obeying social norms fast enough, but I find that to be far more rare.

Sort of, except that the mere fact that you go through the motions of choosing polite words is itself a minor signal of respect. (Saying "move it" is obviously less respectful.)

Politeness and passive-aggression usually go hand-in-hand. They're both strategies used to avoid confrontations.

I learned it that "excuse me" and "pardon me" are both impolite, because they are commands, directing the offended party to further excuse or pardon you.

"Please pardon me" is getting better, as is "I'm so sorry," etc.

in Portuguese you have two translations for excuse me. one means sorry "desculpa", the other means get out of the way "com licença". the later when used forcing your way thru a door at the same time as somebody else is extremely rude. and that's how Portuguese speakers hear excuse me in this situations.

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