The Difference Between Saying 'Thank You' in Chinese and English

Though, among the proles, I've noticed intensifying hatred for people that come in sick...but also do it ourselves.

The first problem is lacking feedback. Nobody would correct you, if there is a difference, until you find it by yourself too late or in a nasty way. Sometimes people's disfavor is very subtle, because they want to be polite too. You will have to sense it.

Many years ago, my cousin visited us in China. With her were her friends, a Filipino american family (I guess they were raised in the U.S.). They gave me a gift and I didn't open right away. They asked why? They didn't seem to be happy and accused me of being rude.

Another year, I visited Germany. My family has a very good German friend. She insisted to give me money and gifts as it was during the Chinese new year. But based on my culture training I refused it. She seemed to be upset, she thought our family was refusing her.

The second problem is that culture is really a habit thing. When it grows on you, it is really difficult to change. When people say "Oh, you are really good at this." The Chinese response would be "No, I'm not good at this at all!" But I would look like an idiot if I say this in the U.S. I knew it, but it really needs some mental power to correct it, because conversations happen so fast and sudden, you don't have time to think.

I spent a lot of time to change it to "Really!" and finally only recently I had learnt to respond "Thank you!"

It's a way of assuring the gift receiver that the gift didn't burden you, the gift giver. That makes everyone happy and allows the gift receiver to accept the gift without guilt. And no native speaker will think you meant, "your problem wasn't a problem after all."

If it's a major gift, then it might be more appropriate to say, "you're welcome." But for minor gifts (like telling the time or help with a coding problem) "you're welcome" is a tad smug.

In any case, you're right not to worry about it too much.

For example, I'm stranded at 3am and you give me a lift even though you were sleeping. If you say "No problem", since it's obviously a lie, I think that you might be mad or disappointed that I made such a request.

I recently heard a nurse say, "It's my privilege" in response to a thank-you. This felt like a more heartfelt acknowledgement of the gratitude being expressed.

One might also experiment with "It's no burden", which seems to fall somewhere between "My pleasure" and "It's my privilege".

> This depends on your workplace. In some you'll find the attitude you describe. In others, sick days are for weak, uncommitted people and you'll hear people take pride in never having taken one.

yup, if you work in an office and have the flu, you need to stay the fcuk home :P

I believe that interpretation is incorrect.

In Chinese culture, it is important to balance social relationship, and the worst is to own someone favor. Owning some others favor means to repay the favor at some point; and you can't simply repay the equal favor later, you have to do something more significant to truly balance -- in fact, I don't think in Chinese culture, a favor can truly be repaid -- therefore, to accept a favor is truly a (lifelong) commitment. With such context, you would not want to accept a gifts easily, you would honestly would like to decline the gift (while noting down the gift givers gracious -- yes, it is all about the gesture). Also the attempt of declining downplays the favor (as the gift is not truly great favor as I could decline it).

In Chinese culture, there is a strong concept of social obligation (balance).

So Chinese do want friendship as in the intention of gift giving in a western culture, but most Chinese would rather other people owning to their favor rather than the other way around -- and Chinese do keep count -- unless the relationship is so close that there is no need to keep count any more; but then exchange gifts at such level is also absurd.

Of course when you don't want the relationship, then you absolutely don't want to accept the gifts.

PS: Actually this is how Chinese corruption works. You try hard to bribe officials with some gifts or dinner even when the official would not value your gifts at all (because he already had too much), but as long as the official accepts your gift (often because you are so sneaky that he cannot easily return your gift), then this official is obligated to help you out (often means to go out of his way). First time is always hard, but second time is much easier.

And that is why to be a Chinese official is difficult, you abide by the rule, then you become socially cold and judged down in culture; or you could be generous accepting bribes and doing favors for everyone -- you become popular, but on the other hand, you have some crimes that some day will become your downfall -- not because of law, but because of power shift (which is inevitable). Greed is just the byproduct.

Oops. Bad example. Thanks for pointing that out.

(EDIT: actually, looking up the English word, we borrowed it from the French journée! So I got the example right, but for entirely the wrong reasons, and in the wrong direction.)

That is to say that while your statement is true it doesn't really negate the original statement.

my Californian American friends when in Brazil said he was very disturbed by our "communist" approach to beer