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Comment by Thriptic | Hacker News Reader

An investor should not be inviting people actively seeking funding from their VC to a VC backed event as a date. It's unprofessional (it sets up an obvious conflict of interest for both parties) and it's unethical (it sends very mixed signals and it could be viewed as coercive). Asking her out to dinner or a non-corporate event would have been much more appropriate, but frankly even that would have been somewhat questionable.

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She wrote "Another never followed up with me after our meeting, but a month later invited me to an event his VC was holding" - it doesn't sound to me as if there was still the option of investing on the table.

Besides, let's be honest - even if it was a private invitation, it was an even by some VC, so presumably lots of VCs would have been present. I'd be very surprised if women would not also routinely get the advantage of being introduced to VCs because they are women, which men don't get. It's dumb to not take advantage of that because of some weird puritan moral that attractiveness is not supposed to exist. She mentions herself that "attractive" male CEOs seem to get more funding.

Edit: reply to comments below - first, do you really think a guy having sex with an investor just to get investment would not be called some unfavorable things behind his back?

And being invited to a party with VC is a net positive option. Ignoring it would merely put her back to the level of men, not below that level. Feeling pressure to go there - really? As I said, it is strictly a positive option, ignore it and you can still do all the things men do to meet investors. And maybe that guy merely thought she would be interested in meeting VCs and proposed that as a date because of that. What's wrong with trying to cater to the interests of your date?

Reply to your edit:

>And being invited to a party with VC is a net positive option. Ignoring it would merely put her back to the level of men, not below that level. Feeling pressure to go there - really?

Let's say she that she theoretically agrees to his proposition and goes to the event even though she doesn't like the guy much. She has a very productive and enjoyable time speaking with investors. Her date mentions that his VC will be holding future events which he would like to bring her to as his date. He also mentions that he would like to have sex with her. What will she do? If she declines she might not be invited to these future events and may miss out on funding opportunities.

This type of scenario is one reason why I said that the arrangement was unethical. Whether intentional or not, it sets up the basis for a very unequal relationship.

So what - as I said, being a founder is not such an emergency situation that you are forced to sell your body. She can still decline to have sex and be merely reset to the status that is normal for men (which is not to be invited to the parties). It's still a net win. Or she could dangle the promise of sex in front of the guy, go to all the parties but never give the guy what he wants.

You could also ask who is the person being cheated - the guy getting sex only for his money, or the woman getting money only for sex.

Also, surely people never partner up because it suits their life plans. It's all just romantic love in the real world. You might walk down the street and fall in love with a hobo - nothing you can do about the will of the heart.

Even if you assume that investment is completely off the table so there is no conflict of interest, creating a situation in which a founder might feel pressured to go on a date with someone they are not attracted to in order to get in the room with people who can fund them is fundamentally not ideal. The investor should have been more thoughtful and asked her out to another venue at the very least.

There is a huge level jump between "unfairly giving someone investment because they are attractive", and " pretending to want to give someone investment because they are attractive".

But the guy didn't pretend to want to give investment. He clearly said it is about dating, not investment.

The flip side is that women that behave as you depicted often get labelled with unfunny names, while it does not happen when said behaviour comes from a man. :/

I don't think you are obliged to have sex when you agree to go on a date, or when you are being approached because you are attractive.

And supposing wealthy men would try to take advantage of their wealth (promising money for sex and then not delivering), why wouldn't it be fair game for woman to take advantage of their attractiveness (promising sex for money and then not delivering)?

You also seem to assume that men are incapable of being genuinely interested in a woman. What if the guy really was interested in the woman and merely wants a date to get to know her better?

People get called unfunny names regardless they actually have sex with someone.

And no, I'm not assuming that men are incapable of being genuinely interested in a woman. To the contrary, I have no reason to think otherwise. It's just that a funding meeting is not really the appropriate venue to express such interest, just like it's better to wait until one has reached the toilet before expelling fluids in excess.

She reported receiving an email a month after a conversation about investing, not a funding meetup. I think a lot of fantasy tends to play into discussions of this topic. Women are not being called sluts just for flirting or being attractive, men are not treating women as prostitutes just because they have money.

Even between men I think "attraction" or getting along well would play a role in deciding to fund somebody. Just because somebody is interested in a woman doesn't imply they just want her body.

What if it's attractive to an investor if a woman is also moving in the same world as she is. So that maybe they have something to talk about at the dinner table?

Who would it be OK for an investor to date?

Again, I never assumed that because somebody is interested in a woman they just want her body. To the contrary, I have no reason to believe it, and I assume we're discussion honest interest here.

> Who would it be OK for an investor to date?

Anyone who's not asking them an investment, which I guess still leaves plenty of options. It's a conflict of interest issue: the entrepreneur will likely consider the possible consequences on the investment outcome of their response. I would really avoid asking someone out for a data when I'm in a position of power in their regard, as I'd prefer that whoever I'm asking out is free to decide without fear of consequences.

I'm not saying that nobody can ask someone out from a position of power: I'm saying that it requires a lot of extra care, as I guess it would only be ok after you get to know each other really well and there have been multiple blatant signs of interest from the other party.

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