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Comment by gdrulia | Hacker News Reader

Tell me about it. Recently I've been trying so many different ways to come to talk about it and so far every one conversation ended up with her being in tears and not being able (probably not willing) to understand what I'm saying. She just sees me as a sales person trying to sell her some scam.

Now I'm betting on time, from time to time just constantly reminding her of whole rings scheme and why we shouldn't be bothered with that and should stick with a simple/traditional wedding rings.

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She wants a ring. She doesn't care that you think it's a scam. What she knows is that you won't buy her a ring. You think so little of her that you won't buy her this gift.

You refuse to compromise; you refuse to budge; you refuse to accommodate her wish. You make her be for this gift, and you still deny her.

You even made her cry, and you post here almost proud of bringing someone to tears because you refuse to see things from her point of view?

I see what you mean and I agree that from her point of view this might look like I don't care about her. At least not enough to bend my principles. But on the other hand, I have mentioned this on the day I've met her first time, obviously she didn't think much of it back then.

I'm happy, not proud. I'm happy, because I'm not alone who's thinking this way. Believe it or not, there isn't a lot of people that agrees with me.

>> She just sees me as a sales person trying to sell her some scam.

This is where you are mistaken, to her it's not just a ring, or a scam. It's her as a little girl dreaming and looking at the engagement rings of other women, imagining the day she'll be able to 'show off' one of her own. Sad to say, but in our culture, this stuff means a lot.

That's exactly her argument. She has dreamed of it since she was a little girl and she just could not accept the fact that maybe, just maybe, the dream was false.

Why can one sex indulge in their childhood fantasy but the other cannot? If a guy saves for a car he has always wanted, something he saw years ago as a teen or whatever he is said to be having a midlife crisis whereas buying a lump of carbon/gold is seen as a beautiful tradition?

I think the tradition is that a man should invest a certain amount of resources. And the point is to not buy/get anything useful. A pile of money for a diamond ring is some resources.

But there are alternatives:

This guy made a wirelessly powered led illuminated ring: http://www.kokes.net/projectlonghaul/projectlonghaul.htm

This guy forged a ring out of meteorite metal: http://io9.com/5907849/this-guy-hand-forged-his-own-wedding-...

Those are both, I would say, much larger investments than $2000 to $5000 dollars in money.

"I think the tradition is that a man should invest a certain amount of resources"

Tradition is sexist then, don't be sexist

Well, if you are moderately progressive, you still want to be sexists and follow tradition, but you don't wank to sink money in diamonds. I just wanted to say there are alternatives.

Stick to your guns.

You can still get an awesome engagement ring for, let's say, $500, with no diamond, just a nice blue aquamarine or some other wonderful gemstone. Something that goes well with her eyes.

Lay it on thick. Put in a lot of effort to have it custom made. Involve her in the customizing and decision making.

But stick to your guns on the diamond. It's simply not cool.

Or find one on Craigslist but please don't buy one from a jewelry store if you can help it.

God bless!

Some unsolicited advice: Tell her it's not about the money. Tell her you want to spend it on something useful (like a future child's savings account) or fun (like a trip for two around the world) but not on a piece of jewellery.

No don't do this. Just buy the ring. Buy flowers and nice cards more often than valentines and apologies -- buy flowers when you're not in trouble.

Edit: a word

No, don't do this. Dump the woman and find someone who's not spoiled and vapid.

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