The new york times article wasn't very clear about how people are using them. So I'll spell it out: adults are using these wet wipes instead of toilet paper. That's why so many are entering sewage systems.
demon snowballs
industry representatives chafe
scraping the bottom clean[0] Wood is a banner headline, because the largest handset letters were made of wood to save costs.
[1] http://www.capitalnewyork.com/article/media/2012/01/5137028/...
"Foot Heads Arms Body"
"Skywalkers in Korea Crossed Han Solo"
"When I asked colleagues around the office to nominate a favourite, the one that came up most frequently was (not from the Guardian), Book lack in Ongar - on a report about a crisis in the library service in Essex. (For the benefit of English language students at the international school in Frankfurt, whose teacher asked for a glossary of headline puns, this one is a play - no pun intended - on the title of John Osborne's Look Back in Anger)."
http://www.theguardian.com/books/2002/jan/26/books.guardianr...
Or possibly "How do you solve a problem like Korea?" from the Sun: http://btoe-images.s3.amazonaws.com/things/large/how-do-you-...
"EPA not cuckoo for cocoa powder"
[1]http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2005-11-04/news/051104011...
Wet wipes do not biodegrade, no matter what the package says.
When you have to go, you sit down at a waste collection station, and a computer guided arm would connect a hose to your valve and open it. This can be designed so that at no time in this process is anything on the outside of the valve, the hose, or your body exposed to feces. All the feces goes into the hose. When you have been emptied, the valve is closed, the hose retracts, and its interior is cleaned.
That is how civilized people would take a crap (until we reach Star Trek levels of technology...then we'd just beam our feces out).