Hacker News Reader

Comment by Padding | Hacker News Reader

> I didn't think I wanted kids [...] but I have two

What made you change your mind?

If you strip away any social context (your parents, your partner, your neighbors), would you still opt for kids? To me it looks like a lot of people are nagged on by friends and family before having kids and then taken a lot more seriously afterwards, get more liberties and less questions asked at work, etc. And then .. well then just get on the hype train themselves. Looking in from the outside, it does seem a bit caving into peer pressure at first and suffering from Stockholm Syndrom later.

View on HN

My partner was keen and I was ambivalent, but without an especially strong feeling either way. There are obviously benefits in both courses through life. So I went with her on it and I have no regrets. It's a very magical experience that our bodies and brains are specialised to handle. Thinking about the changes and reactions I notice in my wife and myself are intriguing.

I had no nagging from anyone and we were together for 8-9 years before having our first. We both have very supportive, model parents. I imagine that new parents with great parents of their own are keen to continue that legacy. I wonder if some with less-ideal parents couldn't see their chance as an opportunity to do better than their own experience?

I think any short term costs (time, money, opportunities) are won back in all the treasured experiences, and then everything from there with independent children is like interest being repaid (IT support in 2050, moving my furniture to the retirement facility, booking cruises, etc). ;)

I was on the fence for a long time. Married for 8 years before having kids. There just came a point where my nieces were really cute and I felt like my own ambitious projects were not progressing. I remember thinking one day, as I played a computer game -- I'm just wasting my time. It's time for a new adventure.

It's a very special feeling to be loved and looked up to by other little humans. I treasure my kids 15 min at a time. That said, you can't turn them off without being a jerk or negligent.

It's just the relentlessness, and the extent to which boundaries between adults and children have been erased in our (Canadian & US) culture.

>the extent to which boundaries between adults and children have been erased

I'm not sure I understand. Is there more of a boundary in other countries? Is it the "helicopter mom"-ing ?

Not parent, but I have three kids and started out with thoughts like you.

The truth is closer to the opposite direction. Parent,partner, neighbor nagging is the same as getting to the gym. You really didn't want to bother with it, but after you worked out it's the best decision you could have ever made.

I have had a number of great professional breakthroughs and nothing comes close to the sense of accomplishment of raising children.

I think the closest you get to tapping into those emotions outside of children is hearing that your father is dying. Picture that and ask yourself would you prefer $20k a year and a decade of Saturdays off as a trade?

You probably nailed the head right there. I have a biological dad and a step dad. One was actively abusive and the other one was negligent. And maybe I'm a little less compassionate or empathetic than I'd like to be. But that, and whatever hand waving you can imagine, adds up to me not really caring if they die or not. Yup, no kids for me.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com