EDIT> This is for people with strong (non-kid) passions that are time-consuming. I know people who are just amazing with kids, but typically they don't seem to have much else going on in their lives.
The biggest problem I have with kids is that they sometimes fight over silly things. I forbade my kids from playing with each other. Since it was against the rules, they played with each other much better and when they fought they knew they were breaking the rules.
After watching Monster Inc. I realized that you could tickle kids instead of spanking them to get them to behave. No one likes to be tickled. I can imagine my kids being kicked out of therapy when they explain how they were disciplined by being made to laugh.
There are so many tricks that reduce the irritation to a minimum. For me, it was a challenge to find them so I really enjoyed it. I wish I could do it again. My oldest daughter is taking comp sci at stanford.
Saturday morning "I need help wiping..."
Starting your day sleep-deprived and having to wipe a toilet-trained person's ass is just degrading. Parenting in modern times -- basically degradation with eventual benefits.
My impression is that nobody, later in life, says they wished they spent less time with their kids.
I think it's just a strong taboo to say those things.
It's work, but it's incredibly rewarding and will continue to be for decades to come. No doubt you will miss out significantly on that, but in exchange you get a great deal of freedom so enjoy it.
I didn't think I wanted kids, was never one to want to hold babies and the like, but I have two and they have been an amazing experience. I'm very glad not to have missed that path.
What made you change your mind?
If you strip away any social context (your parents, your partner, your neighbors), would you still opt for kids? To me it looks like a lot of people are nagged on by friends and family before having kids and then taken a lot more seriously afterwards, get more liberties and less questions asked at work, etc. And then .. well then just get on the hype train themselves. Looking in from the outside, it does seem a bit caving into peer pressure at first and suffering from Stockholm Syndrom later.
I had no nagging from anyone and we were together for 8-9 years before having our first. We both have very supportive, model parents. I imagine that new parents with great parents of their own are keen to continue that legacy. I wonder if some with less-ideal parents couldn't see their chance as an opportunity to do better than their own experience?
I think any short term costs (time, money, opportunities) are won back in all the treasured experiences, and then everything from there with independent children is like interest being repaid (IT support in 2050, moving my furniture to the retirement facility, booking cruises, etc). ;)
It's a very special feeling to be loved and looked up to by other little humans. I treasure my kids 15 min at a time. That said, you can't turn them off without being a jerk or negligent.
It's just the relentlessness, and the extent to which boundaries between adults and children have been erased in our (Canadian & US) culture.
I'm not sure I understand. Is there more of a boundary in other countries? Is it the "helicopter mom"-ing ?
The truth is closer to the opposite direction. Parent,partner, neighbor nagging is the same as getting to the gym. You really didn't want to bother with it, but after you worked out it's the best decision you could have ever made.
I have had a number of great professional breakthroughs and nothing comes close to the sense of accomplishment of raising children.
I think the closest you get to tapping into those emotions outside of children is hearing that your father is dying. Picture that and ask yourself would you prefer $20k a year and a decade of Saturdays off as a trade?
Yes and a match with mine. It feels good to hear out of a maelstrom of contrary opinions one that finally matches your own.
The best to you and your family! Families soaked in positive experience will change the world only for better :D