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Comment by kleer001 | Hacker News Reader

Yup, sounds like standard fare. I would have been impressed if she'd documented and reported this shitty behaviour. Then again Confrontation is difficult, no matter the context.

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As someone who has tried to document and report shitty behavior, it's important to keep in mind how risky that is.

Here are a few patterns I've observed:

pattern (a) MAN: does shitty thing; WOMAN: hey please stop; WOMAN's performance review: "has conflicts with MAN"

pattern (b) MAN: does shitty thing; WOMAN: reports shitty thing; MANAGER: oh MAN is a nice guy, why don't you try working it out yourself

pattern (c) MAN: does shitty thing; WOMAN: does nothing because she actually reports to MAN

This happens in hierarchies regardless of genders. Anyone bullied in school or a workplace can tell you this. You would need to measure if it in fact happens more often if it's a woman being a victim which is very difficult as most of those situations are not reported by neither gender.

See, I actually know it has to do with gender because I used to have a beard. I got treated very differently back then.

How are you sure that what your experienced was solely based on gender?

Why would you report shitty behavior? Is that against some sort of code of conduct where you work?

fair enough, this is especially bad in the milirary... shudder

When the guy said:

> Oh… well then I should have applied for that internship.

A simple response like "what do you mean?" would be completely appropriate. Given the context of this example, I have a difficult time accepting the male was implying anything like what the author felt was directed at her. Rather I think it's a more reasonable assumption he came to the conclusion that if so many people from his school got Facebook internships, then he should have applied as well. But, we'll never know unless people do ask for a deeper explanation instead of just assuming malice.

This all the way. I tend to do that myself.

Going with OP's examples, I would have said the same thing as the guy said concerning her even if it was a male.

I think the part where she pointed out that not every sexist thing is overtly sexist really resonated with me. Not everything is so blatant that you can report it. If I confronted people every time something subtly sexist happened to me, people would think I was an oversensitive bitch. But at the same time, those little things add up.

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