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It mostly is, but I need it integrating with Stripe for the proprietary-license-that-I-totally-don't-expect people-to-buy-but-why-the-hell-not.

Can't you serve the main site statically, and have a dedicated page for the proprietary license and Stripe integration?

That's what I'm doing now. I thought I'd need to have both on the same port, but I was wrong.

so nobody sees your page because of a feature you're not sure you want to have anyway...?