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Comment by walru | Hacker News Reader

In my recent tales of online dating I've run into this a lot - so much so I've made a point of mentioning in my OKC profile that while it's great to love traveling, this tells me nothing of your personality, pursuits or goals.

The vast majority of individuals highlight their love of travel, or where they're going to go next as if this is defining themselves in some way. While going to Paris and walking the streets for an extended weekend allows you to breathe different air, I fail to see this as something which defines a person. Volunteering your time locally speaks infinitely stronger to one's character than how much time and money they can spend outside of their 25 mile home radius.

To that end, I believe it's absolutely necessary for your soul to experience as much as you can.. but there's just as many adventures in your own backyard.

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While travel is high on the list, that's my experience with the bulk of profiles I see. Our generation just doesn't want to say they're defined by actions, but rather things they buy, or how much leisure they can obtain.

> Volunteering your time locally speaks infinitely stronger to one's character than how much time and money they can spend outside of their 25 mile home radius.

There's a large number of people who see that as yet another exercise in narcissism. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymcflrj_rRc . There's even a tumbler account that catalogs people on tinder who take selfies of volunteering. I've seen the claim go as far as saying it's simply a way to "validate privileged".

Rather than the activity, social media inherently promotes narcissism.

>In my recent tales of online dating I've run into this a lot

The reason why Tinder won and OkCupid lost so horrifically (okcupid in my area has gone from an oasis to desert in less than a year...) is because people are literally unable to even conceptualize their own interests and desires in the world we find ourselves in.

That's why okcupid profils all say they love laughing, having a good time, traveling, and are easy-going and down-to-earth. We've produced a society of totally formless humans, able to take whatever cog-shape is presented to them, and live out a meek, subservient life punctuated by crappy pictures of the Eiffel Tower or maybe, if they're really adventurous, St. Peter's Basilica.

I think Tinder's success is a great example of this in the startup sense, because they noticed hey, if most people just look at pictures and ignore all this quiz-and-essay nonsense then why not just do that? It's a recognition that people don't have personalities, they'll just mold to fit whatever they're placed in front of.

I think the next Tinder, then, going by this trend, is a machine-learning driven service that just gives you one match a day, based on how attractive you both are given your photos and measurements. You can talk and exchange outside contact information if you want, and if not you can block them/wait for the next day.

> It's a recognition that people don't have personalities, they'll just mold to fit whatever they're placed in front of.

I've seen so many relationships end in disaster because of this. In the beginning of the relationship, one or both participants will pretend to be someone they're not, so they can please the other one. Later, they always revert to their normal behavior, and this usually ends the relationship.

I would say that they get bored, and where they were willing to put in effort (which all relationships require) at the beginning, they aren't now.

Which again, isn't surprising. Even people who get married and think they'll be together for the rest of their life get bored and leave about half the time.

I think that the trend is towards shorter, less emotional relationships, because nobody wants to get serious; everyone wants to have fun. Nothing that's not fun is worth doing.

Who knows, maybe the next Tinder will be more like Uber.

You're more spot on than I'd wish you were. This is so sad.

We live in depressing times.

Falls into the, some-of-the-most-boring-person's-I've-met-where-backpackers category. Had the same experience; especially in Berlin you'll find not a few of them.

Some quotes on that this is not just a recent development:

You don't have to travel around the world to understand that the sky is blue everywhere. Goethe

The photograph reverses the purpose of travel, which until now had been to encounter the strange and unfamiliar. Marshall McLuhan

In the realm of dating, what's more interesting that just "traveling" is talking to someone about where they've been and what they found interesting, challenging, boring, etc. That'll tell you a little about their personality. It's a great conversation starter but I agree simply being able to afford and get on an airplane somewhere doesn't tell you anything about a human being.

I absolutely agree. It's incredibly important to volunteer your time and make a difference where you life. Out of sheer curiosity, how much time have you spent doing this?

Sadly not as much as I'd like to as I've been unemployed for the last six months and am starting with my charity at home.

That said, I go to the LA river clean-ups the several times a year they occur, but have recently thought I could do something with teaching game design, or at least showing the processes that go into making games at a local youth center. Sadly, I don't know how to and/or have the time to fully explore that option at the moment.

Why? Hypothetically, would I not have a better impact if I used the same time to take up extra work and instead donated that money? I would imagine the price per hour to hire labor for, say, a food drive could easily be funded multiple times through the price per hour to hire a software developer. Would I not make even more an impact if I chose to donate to an organization that operates in low-income countries? And why would locally matter? Are people in need not people in need regardless of where they're located?

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