Has Travel Become Another Exercise in Narcissism?
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At home you become one version of yourself and people know you and treat you as such and you respond in kind. Everything becomes sort of routine to maintain the status quo.
Travel is amazing because you literally have no preconceived notions or expectations from other people so you can experiment and be different versions of yourself and no one will be the wiser.
You can learn a lot about yourself and others this way.
It's also extremely liberating.
There's a genetic component for sure... but environment is huge I think.
Indeed the definition of human growth is built upon changing yourself and exposing yourself to novel situations/environments and stress-ors where you have to become a 'new version' of yourself..whether more competent, more wary, more upbeat, more physically capable, etc. in order to overcome the challenges.
However, I don't think you have to travel to Costa Rica and stay in a eco-friendly yurt in a rainforest for this.
Just somewhere significantly far away where you don't have to maintain any sort of status quo. Pittsburg is as good as Paris in this regard.
When I'm at home, I'm always afraid of keeping up the same persona. I have very bad social anxiety at home, I'm terrible at talking to people at gatherings, haven't been on a date in four years.
But when I'm traveling, none of that matters:
> Travel is amazing because you literally have no preconceived notions or expectations from other people so you can experiment and be different versions of yourself and no one will be the wiser.
You're 100% right. I go overseas and I have no trouble meeting new people, enjoying myself at bars and clubs, asking a cute fellow traveler out to coffee in Taipei or wherever the hell I am.
The trick is learning how to bring that home. Still figuring that one out though I've gotten better.
Obviously your social anxiety stems from 'being at home'.
Maybe there's actual tangible external reasons causing it at home that you're not even aware of....
Do you think all of your thoughts are 'completely original' and created by you?
Or do you think that most of your thoughts stem from things you have experienced in the direct environment of your life and your overall personality,goals,likes and dislikes are built upon these thoughts and experiences? And therefore by changing your environment and experiences you would be a completely different version of yourself?
What if you were born to a Saudi Arabian family? What are the chances you would be a Muslim, possibly signifigantly conservative, you wouldn't like the TV shows and music you currently like, your goals would be drastically different because the culture has different socially sanctioned versions of success, etc.....
How much of you is really 'you'? Where does the idea of 'you' begin and where does the surrounding world stop?
Yes, if both my genome and my upbringing were different, I would be a different person.
Is this really insightful? Where is the insight, for those seeing insight here?
Your world around you shapes your thoughts and actions and therefore who YOU are.
Its interesting because we consider ourselves static entities shaping our environment.
Our env is equally shaping us.
Travelling and meeting a wide assortment of people really does grow your own personality in interesting ways, it's human nature. You get to test out different traits that people who know you would raise an eyebrow at. I bet it gets quite complicated and involves how trust is formed and how people who act sporadically are less trustworthy. That trust game just isn't in play with strangers you'll never see again.
Just don't let them search you out on facebook, the personality trait status quo enforcer.
Some behaviours just clash with your environment, and there's always the decision whether a change to your environment or a change to your perception of your environment is the wiser path to take in resolving these conflicts. Maybe moving to a different place will solve your anxiety problems (toxic environment), or practicing to become more confident (internal change) will do so.
Telling someone to "Just be themselves, all the time, wherever they are" however tells them to ignore any of these conflicts and in my view is an incredibly pessimistic view in a certain sense. You're telling them that their environent is a certain way, that their self is a certain way, and that they might as well run head first into their environment without changing their trajectory, because that's the right thing to do, and that that is the obvious thing to do, that their attempt at changing either is futile. If they do happen to suffer due to these conflicts, then that is the fault of the character and environment lottery they just happen to have lost.
Now there might be character traits that you want to strenghten, and maybe your perception of your environment prevents you from doing so. I think that's the only case where a limited "Just be yourself (more)" is a step in the right direction. In any other case it's just encouraging virtues and vices in the same way, and due to that, blindness to which is which.
We're all one of the crowd, like the author says. Technology has made it very easy to forget that.
But some narcissism is healthy; the problem is more when it's allowed to run rampant or become the sole purpose behind some behavior. It's the difference between posting because you have something to say, hoping people might agree, and posting because you need people to agree with you.
It's roughly like... The "nice guy syndrome", where a person is engaged with what others expect from him so much that he undermines what he personally wants. In online forum terms this might mean that you're commenting in favor of the popular opinion of the forum and not voicing your own opinion to see whether it has flaws or not. Naturally, this is one of the many reasons why a community becomes an "echo chamber".
When the author argues that "Instead of taking time to absorb and consider, many people seem more inclined to travel quickly, tick off the ‘don’t miss’ highlights and form broad-brush assumptions based on the bare minimum of immersion" he's miles off. People have been targeting the 'sights' since the notion of overseas travel as a source of pleasure began aeons ago. If anything, the web actually encourages immersion, because the "sights" themselves can be enjoyed from all conceivable angles in the comfort of ones own bedroom.
What's changed is that when travellers and tourists do visit the "highlights" - often called that for good reason - they'll inevitably feel the need to share selfies with their entire social network afterwards.
The same goes for the photos shared as a permanent record of their night out at the bar down the road in Clapham rather than Tanzania, or the people who actually do go to Eastbourne and feel the need to check-in to show they've been to the actual pier. Or people sharing their pithy observations on the football, or approval of the latest Upworthy video.
Actually, the most narcissistic act of all has got to be blogging, because I'm sure there's a time that travel journalists spent their time in between the tough grind of churning out freelance travel articles exploring the world around them rather than eloquently excoriating their usual audience on medium.com to broadcast how much more worldly they are than all the other holidaying proles.
It comes as no surprise that people do things that they see other people doing, which I don't think has changed much as time goes on. So, people travel, they talk about it, more people "hear" it, and more people travel as a result.
But that's only my opinion and not a matter of objective knowledge.
Old men have always bemoaned the narcissism of young people. It isn't "kids these days," it's just "kids."
Maybe it's a cliche at this point to bring this up, but
“Our youth now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders and love chatter in place of exercise; they no longer rise when elders enter the room; they contradict their parents, chatter before company; gobble up their food and tyrannize their teachers.”
is attributed to Socrates.
I've enjoyed the Language Log's "narcissism skepticism" over the years. Maybe someone else will too:
Technology has made it possible to bore, amuse, or irritate a global audience rather than a neighborhood one.
The vast majority of individuals highlight their love of travel, or where they're going to go next as if this is defining themselves in some way. While going to Paris and walking the streets for an extended weekend allows you to breathe different air, I fail to see this as something which defines a person. Volunteering your time locally speaks infinitely stronger to one's character than how much time and money they can spend outside of their 25 mile home radius.
To that end, I believe it's absolutely necessary for your soul to experience as much as you can.. but there's just as many adventures in your own backyard.
That said, I go to the LA river clean-ups the several times a year they occur, but have recently thought I could do something with teaching game design, or at least showing the processes that go into making games at a local youth center. Sadly, I don't know how to and/or have the time to fully explore that option at the moment.
> Volunteering your time locally speaks infinitely stronger to one's character than how much time and money they can spend outside of their 25 mile home radius.
There's a large number of people who see that as yet another exercise in narcissism. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymcflrj_rRc . There's even a tumbler account that catalogs people on tinder who take selfies of volunteering. I've seen the claim go as far as saying it's simply a way to "validate privileged".
Some quotes on that this is not just a recent development:
You don't have to travel around the world to understand that the sky is blue everywhere. Goethe
The photograph reverses the purpose of travel, which until now had been to encounter the strange and unfamiliar. Marshall McLuhan
The reason why Tinder won and OkCupid lost so horrifically (okcupid in my area has gone from an oasis to desert in less than a year...) is because people are literally unable to even conceptualize their own interests and desires in the world we find ourselves in.
That's why okcupid profils all say they love laughing, having a good time, traveling, and are easy-going and down-to-earth. We've produced a society of totally formless humans, able to take whatever cog-shape is presented to them, and live out a meek, subservient life punctuated by crappy pictures of the Eiffel Tower or maybe, if they're really adventurous, St. Peter's Basilica.
I think Tinder's success is a great example of this in the startup sense, because they noticed hey, if most people just look at pictures and ignore all this quiz-and-essay nonsense then why not just do that? It's a recognition that people don't have personalities, they'll just mold to fit whatever they're placed in front of.
I think the next Tinder, then, going by this trend, is a machine-learning driven service that just gives you one match a day, based on how attractive you both are given your photos and measurements. You can talk and exchange outside contact information if you want, and if not you can block them/wait for the next day.
I've seen so many relationships end in disaster because of this. In the beginning of the relationship, one or both participants will pretend to be someone they're not, so they can please the other one. Later, they always revert to their normal behavior, and this usually ends the relationship.
Which again, isn't surprising. Even people who get married and think they'll be together for the rest of their life get bored and leave about half the time.
I think that the trend is towards shorter, less emotional relationships, because nobody wants to get serious; everyone wants to have fun. Nothing that's not fun is worth doing.
Who knows, maybe the next Tinder will be more like Uber.
If you read that previous sentence carefully, there's a bit of a rhetorical edge to it.
Self-absorption is a major component of, if not every human condition, certainly of human society.
If you don't like where it's going, striking early is the best response. Don't let it take you there; don't lend it your power.
To the extent you can, don't put up with the narcissistic boss. Don't let narcissistic friends and acquaintances dictate the agenda. If they want/choose to break out of that shell and engage in what you are doing and interested in, fine. Maybe they'll learn something.
And then, when it's your turn, maybe the lesson will be a bit more gentle and strike a bit sooner, before you get too far down that path, yourself.
If anything, today's world seems to be teaching this lesson less and less effectively than perhaps it should.
The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad. I speak now, of course, in the supposition that the gentle reader has not been abroad, and therefore is not already a consummate ass.
to describe the results of the first-ever pleasure cruise to Europe, I have to assume that pleasure travel was an exercise in narcissism since the very first.
My point is you can travel on the cheap if you put effort into it, especially in South America. Traveling in Europe? Sure, that's going to be just as expensive if not more than simply living day to day in the states. There are definitely places you can travel without making a six figure salary however.
I have travelled some in my life. Not extensively, but enough to have a few stories of my own. My guidelines around traveling are:
1) Be humble. Related: be prepared to apologize if you do something unintentionally rude. I had to do this frequently in Asia because me, being American, was not used to taking off my shoes whenever I entered a home or restaurant. I quickly learned, but there were times at the beginning where I forgot. Apologies helped. Exception: Australia.
2) Be reserved. If someone is interested in you or your country they will ask. If not, don't bore them with something they may or may not care about. Exception: Ireland.
3) Do not portray competitiveness. This can easily come across as arrogant and provincial. Exception: Ireland.
4) Be inquisitive. Ask questions about the country you are visiting, and be genuine about it, not judgmental. Exception: North Korea.
5) When you return home, tell your tales to interested friends or coworkers, but be aware that not everyone will care. Exception: Finland.
People who say this seem to be the same kind of person who would ultimately ascribe most human behavior to being about simian behavior. Which makes using that fact as an excuse (or, forgiveness) seem like a weak proposal, since it would effectively excuse most human behavior.
We had one web designer hotshot in Moscow who years ago said proudly in his blog - "I have been in 77 different countries" (we wished to comment "but haven't got any smarter", but let it pass).
Nowadays it is about "difficult (read - expensive) to reach" places and/or "having that ultra hi-tech gear", but that is just another form of exhibitionist consumption or "consumption as way to distinguish oneself" (what nonsense!).
Have you seen these modern Everest climbers? it is all about money and expensive stuff. There is mt.Dhaulagiri which is only few hundred meters less of height and much more difficult to claim - no one is there - one or two professional teams per year at most.
Those that travel and don't tell anyone, but rather just enjoy the experience -- are they narcissists?
I tell people where I've been only if the ask me during a conversation. Going around babbling about "when I was in..." seems brash and boastful.
No matter what the author said, traveling opens up your eyes if you truly engage with the local culture.
It's a hell of a lot harder than jetting away for a weekend though.
I am Spanish, learned Mandarin, Japanese, German , a little Russian and lived in other countries so much that I feel like at home in lots of places, have friends there too.
When you travel, you change your way of thinking about others and about you. It is not only beautiful, it also makes you feel bad when you see the web of interest that rule the world, when you see corruption, or extreme poverty, or people dying.
When something happens, like Ukraine, or Japan defaulting on their debt or whatever I could talk to someone in Skype and get a better picture from there that just any mass media that has a completely different set of interest than the people living there.
There is no way you could understand the world just speaking your native language.
But it is not for everybody, if someone wants to spend their money to see Great Pyramid of Giza and return to home, good for them.
A tourist can turn the world into Disneyland if they wish, but that's their own damn fault.
Discovering that thew world was so big and had so much stuff in it that you had never considered was a sort of awing experience. Being a fish out of water in a way that a German would have felt in 1960s Marakesh was a lot greater. The traveller’s ability to plan and control the experience a lot more limited. Inevitably, the traveller was faced with a lot of experiences, people and places that they had no stereotypes and biases to understand through. They couldn’t make make sense of things. They would have just had to accept things without classifying, judging or using the normal mental models we have for making sense of our world. It was much more possible to have a humbling experience.
These days not just travel, but all contact with foreign place is a much more accessible, easy and unchallenging recreation. That doesn’t mean it’s bad. It just isn’t as character building as it was, in general.
Regarding narcissism… The desire to travel has always been part and parcel of the desire to have adventures. Stories to tell and memories to look back on. I think the stories to tell is the thread that narcissism pulls. I’m not sure how that relates to then and now.
You and I have had vastly different travel experiences.
Aside from necessity, all else is narcissism. The question is what level is acceptable?
Like most things that don't threaten the herd, that's up to the individual.
Sounds pretty narcissistic to me.
"each turn in the road reconnoitred in advance", "...the once tedious Mr. Nuttall had been injected with an ebullient charisma", "prostrate yourself before the altar of benumbing technology", "windswept promontory"...
Perhaps an explanation can be found in the that I am merely an unlettered ignoramus too adherent of simpler writing styles.
The issue is not traveling, it's that our generation has made being a narcissist cool. We post a small sampling of our experiences on facebook, twitter, medium, and instagram. But, only the positive ones. We could never risk letting the people of the world know that we are average.
Social media has devalued our experiences and the validation/interest of our closest friends, and increased the value of validation and interest of total strangers.
Your value is the not the sum total of likes, retweets, karma, and <3's on instagram. I would go so far to say that your perceived value by those who matter is inversely correlated to your likes, retweets, karma and <3's
/end rant
Oh the irony that I unloaded all this here, on social media...
Tourist, n.: "a person who is traveling or visiting a place for pleasure". For pleasure; not to transform one's being, or become one with nature, or to gain some massive insight into the plight of a poor remote community of people. Tourism is about having fun. Travel is just transportation.
If you choose to you can do some soul-searching and maybe find something in you has changed on your journey. But it's not an inherent part of every travel you have. In this vein, you do not have to look down on yourself or anyone else for coming back from travel without being enlightened.
I wish this writer would relax a bit, and maybe forgive himself for whatever self-loathing prompted this post.
Travel without context is absurd. It's institutionalized syphoning of money away from tourists, under the guise of some sort of transformative experience with lots of photo-ops.
In order for travel to be "meaningful", there must context for it. This might mean going to a country for business or to visit friends. It might mean being a tourist if you know what you're looking at. Simply showing up at a museum or a cathedral, reading the placard, and walking away transformed is the scam of the century.
I never travel solely to see things unless they are things I want to see for reasons unrelated to the travel itself. Usually history.
I guess that's annoying in some ways as you run into the people from home that you're trying to escape by travelling to foreign destinations. Haughty elitism aside though, more people experiencing more of the world doesn't strike me as a bad thing.
I don't really participate much in social media, I have my own interests and like to just do my own thing. I have friends who share similar interests and sometimes we'll do those things together.
I don't have to share with random facebook friends (whom are really just acquaintances -- who really has 200+ real friends?) how many countries I've been to, how many miles I ran this morning, the wonderful healthy breakfast I ate, the celebrity I met on the street, or how amazing my volunteer experience was, how wonderful my bf/gf/husband/wife is, how crazy it was at the night club, etc etc etc.
I have great memories of lots of things I've done, and I share those memories with the people I experienced them with, and sometimes I'll tell those experiences to close friends or family members, or share them at relevant moments in social situations like a related conversation taking place where I can actually add value (as opposed to just hearing myself talk and looking for more validation from the others around you).
I do what I do and I'm perfectly content. Social media as a whole is an opportunity for people to sideline brag and make them feel part of "the club." They achieve their validation by how many people "like" their photo or post.
Volunteering and traveling are two things that some (keyword some) people use as a vehicle to make themselves seem more important or esteemed than others. If you haven't traveled, surely you're a naive American who doesn't know anything about the world outside of your own bubble -- BUT on the otherhand, if you see the eiffel tower in person you somehow become wise and cultured by that experience. If you haven't volunteered recently, you certainly must be a selfish prick. And of course these people don't say these things directly to you, instead they have become an expert at implying them passively.
Meh.
There was recently a thread on front page of HN about which social networks middle school and high school kids are using. It's mainly instagram, and it's used as a vehicle to allow some kids to attain status as "popular". Everyone "follows" the popular kids, etc. I think the article of this thread highlights how that same popularity contest exists for older people too. Except it's on facebook, and you become popular by posting travel photos, volunteer photos, your color run photos, etc.
"Beware of practicing your righteousness before men to be noticed by them" ... "So when you give to the poor, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, so that they may be honored by men."
Another saying about players...(this one's not scripture)
"Real players don't say they're players; they just are"
Me personally I learned more about my traveling companion honestly than the trip itself, more often than not that the relationship or friendship is doomed to fail and/or in retrospect how self-centered I was haha.
I see this in the online dating world a lot where girls are all about the travel, and will write you off if you have not been to 20+ countries etc.
That doesn't grant you un-boring life right away, tho.
Not being able to actually interact with natives (that don't sell something to you) is a problem. There are some solutions like couchsurfing, but it's not solved completely.
His thesis was that travel has become a token of narcissism for Westerners ("idea has seeped into the West’s worldview"). He even describes a Canadian couple who he believes fits this description at the end.
My reply is that maybe that's the case in big cities, but that travel off the "beaten path" is relatively rare among most Westerners, at least in the US.
Your life is what you make of it! Maybe travel does expand your horizons, your mind, your sense of the world in general. Maybe it's just an excuse to take lots of drugs and get laid.
Who the fuck cares? The vast majority of people I know who have travelled are not narcissists. And if some of them were, well, the world's a big place. That's kind of the point.
And that word narcissism has become such an overused, cliche word for everything that ails society. It's used for all sorts of regular, predictable human behaviour when it's meant to be describing a much severe display of self importance and extreme selfishness. Simply talking about trips and posting pictures on facebook isn't narcissism. Technology has just enabled a form sharing to a wider audience that's been occurring for a very long time, the equivalent of sharing a photo album, is that narcissism?
I'm not fortunate enough to be able to travel to exotic locations often (at all) but I have a friend that does and I thoroughly enjoy seeing the pictures and hearing about the experiences. It does also depend on the person doing the traveling as it is possible to come off as arrogant if your intentions are to rub it in everyone else' face.
The author is a travel writer - you may not agree with what he wrote, but it's unlikely it was written out of jealousy.