You can't anticipate everything, and as I've pointed out in another comment here, this one is rather exotic.
Quick summary of what the problem is: We have an EBS volume. It mounts fine, appears fine. The problem is that it's excruciatingly slow. We can't serve data from the volume at any speed, really. Running an "ls" takes over a minute, in a small directory.
All systems are running, everything should be fine, but seeing as we can't read the data fast enough, we've been forced to put a static page explaining what's going on.
Booting a new instance, re-creating the volume from a recent snapshot, doesn't help. The exact same problem persists. Why? We don't know. Amazon's figuring it out.
We're doing everything we can do remedy the problem, but unfortunately right now, that consists of our team drinking coffee to not fall asleep, waiting for the final call from Amazon telling us they've sorted it out.