> I find that really sad and can certainly say if there were at least 30% women on those buses nearly everyone would know each other a little.
Why?
Why?
https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&e...
Not that I would consider a google-link evidence of anything; the only thing that it is evidence of is what is "common wisdom". Secondly, a google search is different for everyone: mine showed a lot of links about how women are bigger users of social media, which hardly helps answer any questions in this context. Thirdly, the question is not whether they are more social in general, but whether they are more social in a context of mostly mutual strangers. Even though women might be more social in general, that doesn't necessarily imply that they are more social with strangers.
I don't view the google-link as evidence; more like a way of saying let-me-google-that-for-you-(that wasn't so hard, was it?). You know... kind of like so many other "women are different from men" are "obvious".
I guess you wouldn't like it here.
Break down those barriers! Just walk up to random people and try to find out what makes them tick. It will expand your horizons and make your life more interesting.
Stop making excuses about some perceived need to have an "excuse" and just be friendly to your neighbors. We'll all benefit.
Sure maybe in YOUR culture and place of residence that could be good advice but it could be horrible advice for other cultures/places.
People are also different. Situations are different. In some situations being approached by a stranger can be friendly and some situations it can be very very hostile. Depending on a lot of factors. There is a very serious need to understand when your approach might be hostile to the other party.
I find it interesting that I've been reading a lot of "in my culture/city/experience X therefore X is a universal truth" comments lately.
I am talking about things like this- Friendliness does not make friends in Japan - http://www.uri.edu/iaics/content/2000v10n1/06%20Blaine%20Gos...
The other implication was friendliness is a Good Thing and more friendliness is Better.
The idea that friendliness is even desired with [varying levels of] strangers is cultural specific. Or how much friendliness is acceptable or too much.
I am an oddity in my culture because i wish for much much less friendliness with strangers than my culture dictates is appropriate. I could go for far less stranger friendliness in my life. [Depending on the degree of stranger].
The most important feature of Bell Labs was the long hallway that forced all these very smart people to interact with each other on a regular basis. The reason "everyone" looks back on their college days with nostalgia is the connections they made so readily with others.
The article you linked to states: In all actions, Japanese prefer kindness over friendliness. Friendships form through kindness... I'm honestly not sure what the difference between the two is. The article seems to indicate it's mostly about smiling and over-sharing. Ok, so don't smile too much, remain courteous and kind. I don't see that being too far off, and the article also mentions there are more commonalities in the dynamics of friendships across cultures than there are differences.
Feel free to continue to live your life the way you see fit, the way that makes you the most comfortable and doesn't challenge you. I don't mean for this to sound judgmental; I really do believe you'll be missing out, but it's your choice to make and I don't at all fault you for making it.
The original comment I was replying to was this: People need an actual "excuse" to engage someone, like being at the same event or working together or practising the same sport. That's simply not true, but it is a quite common misconception. I thought I would disabuse the poster of that notion, but I didn't mean to imply that my own way of living life is the only one.
And i am CERTAINLY not opposed to engaging with strangers or challenging myself, in fact that is how i meet my partner, i approached a random stranger.
Connecting with other humans IS a good thing, but asking random strangers "what makes them tick" isn't culturally appropriate in some places and may lead to ostracism and embarrassment, not connection. Depending on your culture.
In any case, I'll make sure to inform others of what they're doing wrong, and that they don't need to be be "oppressed" by these "barriers". And to think, what we all wanted the same thing all along; we just needed you to remind us.
Nor how I live, so where is this mythical "culture" we're all so beholden to? Culture is just the actions and beliefs of a group of people. Historically humans have tended to be pleasant with people in their own group and remarkably unpleasant to "others". Usually this is because they don't understand anyone outside their own group, because they've never explicitly tried to understand them.
So yes, reaching out to others, learning from them, preventing the next world war, preventing the next oppression of a group because they are seen as somehow different from those in power, yes, that is a Good Thing.