I can relate to this hatred very well. There was a time when everything was new to us and learning was fun. But then, the technology improved rapidly and we got a lot to learn and create. If I look back, I find myself lucky to have begun programming at the time when I began (11 years ago). There's just so many things that one needs to learn to call himself a programmer.

And now, when I know enough to build software of any scale, I hate myself too, for not being as productive as I was as a beginner. As a beginner, I would learning continuously for weeks (with food and sleep breaks in between).

And as self-learners, we always have tendency to be better than what we were yesterday and thus the anxiety begins to build up.

I feel you, brother.