Comment by gingerlime | Hacker News Reader

Comment by gingerlime | Hacker News Reader

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Couldn't agree more. The post is very well written and reads like a poem, but the message is terrible on all counts. It sounds like a soldier being forced to go to battle crying for the family he leaves behind, where in fact it's entirely his own choices. And if it's some sort of an internal torment, being torn between two passions that conflict with one another, then I would suggest he gets a grip and decide which sacrifices he wants to make and which he doesn't and find the right balance.

It's probably my first negative comment on HN, but as a new father of a 6 months son, and a co-founder of a startup, this just irritates me. I spend 2-3 days per week working from home, being able to take a lunch break with my wife, or change nappies for my son or feed him in the morning before hacking away. I catch up later at night when he sleeps, but generally manage my time well between those two. I'm not a perfect father and not the most successful entrepreneur, but these are the choices I made and the challenges I face. I think it's important for my son that I'm going to be around, but also that he has a father that is proud of his work and enjoys what he does.

I share this sentiment. The author needs to consider which thing will cause him more regret in the long term--working a more normal schedule and potentially missing out on whatever rewards living the startup life may give him, or definitely missing out on his daughter's childhood.

For me it would be (and is--I have two sons) a no-brainer. I actually am working at a start-up, but it's one that places a high value on work-life balance so I never feel that I have to work outside of 9-5. I have cracked open the laptop on the occasional evening just because I enjoy what I'm working on, but I definitely wouldn't want to miss this period of my kids' lives for anything. They're only this young once.

> The author needs to consider which thing will cause him more regret in the long term--working a more normal schedule and potentially missing out on whatever rewards living the startup life may give him, or definitely missing out on his daughter's childhood.

Given the psychology studies on creativity and productivity given the mythical man hour, it's not much of a choice.

Beyond that, missing his daughter's life and working many hours, sleeping less will ultimately lead to a shorter life due to the physiological effects.

Absolutely agreed -- I actually find this poem entirely nauseating, probably because it reminds me of my own father: he repeatedly made absolutely terrible choices and then would try to make up for it with occasional blubbering displays of emotion in which he would beg for forgiveness. Again, I'm surely projecting, but I can just clearly see his older daughter's reaction to this: "Dad, get a grip -- and please just choose to show up to my volleyball game next time."

Like many here, I have aspirations of starting a company one day. At one point about 5 years ago, I tried and failed to start a company with a colleague, then tried and failed to start consulting. I hope to try again on one or both of those in the future.

But in the meantime, I have a daughter due in a few months and I know that the most important things for her are that I have a steady income and that I be around for her and my wife as much as I can. Being a (new) entrepreneur allows neither of those things. Maybe when she's a bit older I can think about striking out on my own, but for now it would be selfish to do so.

It's self-serving to set up a schedule like the OP did, then complain that you don't have enough time to spend with your family. You have no one to blame but yourself; we in the tech industry have the luxury right now to have a large demand for our labour for wages well above the median. Most people in the world can't say that and have to make compromises. We don't. To make compromises anyway is to play the martyr card.

If, as a technologist, you don't get a chance to see your daughter, it's because you prioritized something else over her.

You're reading the poem too literally if you think it endorses the idea of sacrificing parenting for your startup. The power of the piece is how viscerally it captures the price of that sacrifice without being preachy or whiny like so many blog posts on the subject.

Agreed. Sometimes it gets away from people that when you decide to get married and then later have children, those get ascribed the highest priorities ahead of anything else.

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