Being truthful and honest without sugar-coating is the fastest way to be called an asshole. I am not saying LE and SJ are that type, but in general - Assholes are the ones with less or no unnecessary nicety filters.
Lots of people are really nice without any nicety filters.
Those that learn how to be good by books, that are not actually good, try to sugarcoat and wonder why being good doesn't work for them.
For it to be effective, it has to be genuine.
Check out: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0374291357