Comment by marvin | Hacker News Reader

Comment by marvin | Hacker News Reader

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Exactly. It is wonderful that a reflected, empathic introvert has finally been able to figure out something like this. I am in the same spot as the author right now, and the thing that really gets to me is that I have to fake being an extrovert in order to connect with other people. It isn't really that hard (it's just acting), but it is really draining when it shouldn't be.

The ideal way to interact would be to be able to be myself while still managing to spark some openness and life in my conversational counterpart. After all, most deep wants are somehow achievable, and there isn't any obvious reason why it should be impossible to connect with other people if you happen to hate smalltalk and often enjoy being alone.

The definition of introvert is not requiring that much external social stimulation, not hating to interact with other people.

but it is really draining when it shouldn't be.

Nope it is draining for introverts.

Your definition of introvert is a bit off too. Introverts ARE mentally drained by social interaction. I am. And I am invigorated by alone time. I am an introvert, but me and all my introvert friends don't have any trouble talking to people, starting conversations, small talk, parties, even public speaking.

In fact the people I know that do have trouble with those things strike me as shy and socially anxious extroverts.

I'm not sure that's a complete definition though. As an introvert, while I don't hate interacting with other people, I do find an excess of interaction (in terms of either the amount of people and/or duration) rather draining, and my interest in interaction is somewhat volatile.

According to Carl Jung, who invented the terms introvert and extrovert, the two are really about preferring to focus inside or outside yourself. They don't necessarily have a social connotation.

The introvert, according to Jung, generally perfers to focus on his own feelings, thoughts, ideas, dreams.

While the extrovert, generally prefers to focus on things outside himself, like objects, other people, and their ideas, feelings, etc.

So, in the original sense, these definitions have absolutely nothing to do with shyness or lack thereof, or about feeling "drained" by interaction with people vs being alone.

An introvert could be perfectly happy being with other people, as long as he can focus on his own internal world. And an extrovert could be happy being alone, but as long as he can focus on people or things outside himself.

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