Pensions would become practically worthless, as they would need to be converted to the new currency to be spent.
If pensions hold real assets (land, companies, etc) the currency of the realm doesn't matter much, whether it's dollars, euros or bitcoins. Most pensions aren't just sitting on cash.
Anyone not holding bitcoin will become the new underclass, and the new rich will be those who got in early
Again, real asset holders don't care about the coin of the realm. If you own a company, you can sell it to buyers in whatever currency you want. Net lenders may be harmed, because they could get paid back in less valuable dollars. Net borrowers may be helped, because they can pay their debts in less valuable dollars.
It will literally be raining cats and dogs in the street.
Literally?
I find a lot to disagree with your points and hyperbole. The irony is I am fully in agreement with your last point. It can't succeed. The current world order won't let it.