Stop reading after that. For the millionth time, the problem is not in the language but on the programmer. So if it was made, by the same person, in RoR or <insert hipster language that makes your panties wet> it wouldn't suck?
In all honesty it does seem like a bad language choice. A choice more likely to be made by a bad programmer than a good one. At least in my experience it's the sub-par programmers who choose to do stuff in PHP and tout it as being a fantastic language. YMMV.
An average PHP programmer is not the same as the average Rust / C / Haskell programmer. Knowing that someone chose PHP as his tool does tell you something about the author, and it's not anything good.