When you're an asshole, most people ignore you because they don't like confrontation. Some people are kind enough or offended enough to say something. Sometimes you see yourself for what you are. After enough time goes by, you might see that you don't want to hurt people. All that was sort of it for me.

I'm not finished.

For me, it was like this:

I went to lunch with two co-workers. The waitress brought us glasses of waters (and straws) before our meal. The other two guys started getting their straws out of those little paper tubes they come in, but I just picked up my glass and took a sip. I said, "straight guys don't use straws" - not meaning it as anything more than a gentle bit of smack talk.

A bit later, I found out that one of the two was gay.

Was I trying to offend? No. Was I being offensive? Probably. Am I now more sensitive about it? Certainly - not because HR got on my case, but because I now know that I have a friend who is gay, and I can see the situation at least somewhat through his eyes.

Will I find some other way to screw up and be insensitive in the future? Probably - I'm not the most socially clued-in guy. But I'm not going to try to be offensive, and I'm learning to be more sensitive than I was.