He's just another person and we all fuck up. I totally get no one should have to put up with this in the workplace, but was his transgression so bad that you can't at least talk to him first. I honestly don't think being offended is worse than putting someone's livelihood in jeopardy. The man may be an idiot, but he might have kids, a wife, who knows.
Sorry to be a little bit rude here, but this is such bunch of crap. The person reporting this is not "putting someone's livelihood in jeopardy," the person who did something report-worthy is. There are two situations:
1. The offender really did say things offensive enough that, if reported, HR might fire him. In this case, it's his own damn fault if he gets fired, not the fault of the person who reports him.
2. Maybe after looking at the context, HR decides that the guy wasn't offensive enough to fire. Maybe he's warned, or it's otherwise worked out amicably and everyone's happy. Again, whatever happens is not the reporter's fault.
It's not the reporter's responsibility to hide things from HR. If the offender has a wife and kids and who knows what else, maybe they should not do things that might get them fired.
However, the instant it's on site, talking to HR about it is the right thing to do. They will give advice about the situation as well as document that you raised the issue.
It's largely a CYA move in that you're assertively defending yourself against claims listing you among the group of people engaged in dumbass behavior.
You can also anonymize the source of the humor. HR doesn't care about you, the joker, or even gay people. HR cares about protecting the company. They'll send an email proscribing such tomfoolery and consider the issue resolved.
What I do know is that it is absolutely reasonable for an offended listener to talk to HR honestly about the situation. Not everyone is comfortable being directly confrontational about that kind of thing, and people in HR are paid to address exactly that kind of situation.
> Pull the guy aside at least, this is just another person, not a tiger, not a snake, just a human.
Tigers and snakes generally don't make racist/sexist/gayist remarks. Anyway, humans are far more dangerous...
No, they bite your face off instead. It'd almost be better if the snake said something racist and moved along lol. You know what humans do? They make mistakes, and are often reasonable and have the possibility of changing. Pull the guy aside, he's not a snake.
When I was 5 or 6 I put my hand on a coffee pot warmer because I thought it was a scale. That was a mistake.
Going on a five minute rant against gay people that made (at least) one person very uncomfortable? That's not a mistake. That's creating a hostile work environment.
This is why HR departments exist. Let them evaluate what happened and determine if any guidelines set by the company were broken.
/in all seriousness though, approaching HR with a complaint against a workmate is just as likely to get YOU in trouble and make work for you as it is to actually work in your favour. If you're going to approach HR, please please please do it with a bit of knowledge about how it works in your company, and not just because you believed the spiel they delivered during orientation about being there to serve you. (hint: Unless you're their boss, you are not the one that HR serves).
Yes, we all fuck up in life. Guess what, sometimes, second chances are hard to come by.
Get some perspective.
Say he doesn't report this incident and then it happens again two months from now. Is he then supposed to go to HR and report both incidents at once?! In that case, it's definitely the person's job on the line, whereas if HR gets notified the first time, perhaps they get a chance to warn the individual before they step over the line too many times.
HR needs to be involved.
Genuinely not implying that you wouldn't have, but I think it's worth considering. Not having heard what was said it's hard to offer much in the way of an opinion.
Whatever happened to just socially shunning people like this? I guess the lure to exercise newfound oppressive power is just too strong, and so the cycle continues.
I'm not finished.
I went to lunch with two co-workers. The waitress brought us glasses of waters (and straws) before our meal. The other two guys started getting their straws out of those little paper tubes they come in, but I just picked up my glass and took a sip. I said, "straight guys don't use straws" - not meaning it as anything more than a gentle bit of smack talk.
A bit later, I found out that one of the two was gay.
Was I trying to offend? No. Was I being offensive? Probably. Am I now more sensitive about it? Certainly - not because HR got on my case, but because I now know that I have a friend who is gay, and I can see the situation at least somewhat through his eyes.
Will I find some other way to screw up and be insensitive in the future? Probably - I'm not the most socially clued-in guy. But I'm not going to try to be offensive, and I'm learning to be more sensitive than I was.
First prize is speaking to them yourself. Let them know that you considered it inappropriate and why - that it might be hurtful to others (or that it was hurtful to you), may lead them to not enjoy working at the company, may lead to them having various troubles, &c. Probably no need to take it further if you believe they've taken your feedback on.
Otherwise, assuming you consider it safe, speak to someone in HR at the very least. Ask them what the policies are and what would likely happen, and feel comfortable you can share the identity of the person without them getting instantly fired, if that's bothering you.
If you can and feel comfortable, speak to their manager. That's what their manager is there to discuss with them. They hopefully have a good rapport and this can be brought up in their next discussion.
If you have a good relationship with your manager, talk to them - but realise that they're obligated to inform the HR department about it.
If your company has an "Employee Resource Group" for LGBT employees, speak to someone in it (if you're in a sufficiently "large tech company in the bay area", it will probably have one).
(If you're at Facebook, firstly, I think you should feel comfortable doing all the above without fear of any downside, but I'd be happy to talk to you about it in person or online and connect you with the right people.)
PS: It's sad that hate is alive and well in Moscow, where hate language, behavior and attitude unchecked has led to wrongly labeling them pedophiles and patrols beating up anyone suspected of being gay. It's disgusting. Russia really needs a gay rights movement and a broader cultural/political revolution to modernize in line with more "civilized" countries. http://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/sep/01/russia-rise-hom...
Perhaps police should all have "GoPro" cameras permanently on them and their vehicles streaming live to a web archive whenever they're on duty (apart from bathroom, etc.) so that whatever happens is permanent part of the public record.
Not that I'm saying there shouldn't, ideally, be some definitive record of events - and technology seems to be getting there. But the conflicting demands for accountability and privacy can be pretty complex.
If you're dealing with a kid who's been cautioned for drug possession, who gets to look at those records? If someone reports a rape?
Are you so concerned with your own status in the group that you can't speak for what's right?
Now homosexuals are going to have to leave SF? Christ.
Tell this idiot to read a history book and then report him to HR. He'd better leave SF and he'd be much happier if he is going to have that attitude.