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Comment by dangrossman | Hacker News Reader

Is this a SV thing? Anyone in other cities care to chime in? I've been to a few "camps" and "confs" and tech meetup groups in Philadelphia, and none of them were at bars nor catered with free beer. "We're meeting up at X bar after if anyone wants to come" is a common thing to hear or even see on a schedule, but the actual events are about the panels/speakers/networking... usually with ample time to socialize.

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I'm wondering the same. I never used to see this back when I lived in Europe and I don't see it here in Asia. It's probably fair to call it a SV thing.

In Europe there's usually alcohol and socials, but as far as I have encountered no binge drinking or hard partying.

Nothing anyone who doesn't drink would feel uncomfortable about.

I don't think it has much to do with the presence of bars or alcohol, but more with the local culture. And in the US, the drinking culture as a result of the absurdly high drinking age is totally juvenile. My guess is that programmers fresh out of college bring that culture with them.

I can't remember the last time I went to a conference in Atlanta and saw drinking events scheduled.

The handful of Philly tech meetups I've been to haven't even had 1/5th of the attendees go to the bar afterward. I'd like to think we have it under control here.

That's part of the problem though: socializing is a really big part of a lot of conferences, and if the people you want to meet are all in a bar, getting a drink, then it can be really hard to say "y'know, I'm just going to get me a sparkling water".

Sounds like a personal problem, because no, it's not hard to say that.

Indeed. I don't know what's so hard about drinking whatever you want to drink. If you're afraid of being "excluded" or "ostracized", then you'd do well to change who you hang out with.

Because peer pressure only exists in high school? And maybe it's not hard to say no to a single drink, but a lot of these events go past midnight, and the reason they "work" is because the next day when you pass each other in the hallway you can say "woah, bit of a hangover too?" and, silly as it sounds, bond over that. Good luck with that if you're only going to drink water, surrounded by people getting progressively drunk.

Somewhere around the age of 18 and 19, most people develop the ability to not care about what other people think about their activities and preferences.

Those who don't develop it before 30 or so will always suffer at the hands of those who do, and the latter group includes people who consider themselves inclusive and socially conscious.

For people who grew up not drinking in a culture that emphasizes drinking (often in excess), it can be hard.

Perhaps you should look at this problem from another angle: Maybe it's not that all these people who have personal problems are trying to get people to stop drinking, but instead it's that we should educate and encourage non-drinkers to still attend our events and not drink? Clearly there is a group of people who still think they're being pressured to drink, and some encouragement will make them more comfortable?

Indeed. I don't know specifically what kind of confs the OP actually goes to, but the geek/programming/tech ones I go to the culture is one of individuality - people RELISH in being different and "not with the crowd".

A few weeks before the conference, create a FB group/discussion board/forum/mailing list and invite other people who'd like to abstain from alcohol at WhateverConf after parties. If you're going to WhateverConf you probably learned about it on the web. There's no reason not to use the web to assemble people who want to have alcohol-free fun at WhateverConf parties.

This is just whining.

I don't drink very much at all, maybe one or two drinks every few weeks. I have never been ostracized, ridiculed, or even noticed when I get a Diet Coke (which is obviously not alcohol if you're paying attention, but from across the room who knows) or even a water (which is obviously not alcohol from anywhere because of how it's served).

I don't think that's an overly strong argument. But there is some meat to it. When people are at a party and booze is present that's one thing, and even if there is hard liquor it can still be possible to avoid drinking and have a good time while connecting with others. But there is a transition point where drinking becomes the focus of a party rather than just a, sometimes, part of it. And those sorts of parties tend to become exclusionary just by their very nature. As a mature adult, even one who drinks, it becomes tiresome and very non-fun to go to party after party where booze is the main attraction, where it's difficult to have a conversation because it's too loud or most people are too drunk to converse with, and where people get so trashed they start to have a bad time (not being able to stand, puking, passing out, whatever).

The problem is that the boundary line can be difficult to discern objectively. And when people who enjoy boozy parties try to judge them it's all to easy to dismiss the problems because it's just so damned much fun for them. But it is a serious problem, especially in a professional industry.

London here, had catered beers and pizza/food on some events (evening meetups, call it). No 'binge drinking' though - maybe a beer or two per person.

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