This is the exact opposite of my experience. The more of an asshole I've turned into, the more successful I've become and noticed that people listen to me more.
I would write a pretty article about it but sadly I don't give a fuck.
I would write a pretty article about it but sadly I don't give a fuck.
Occasionally I feel envy for people with sociopathic tendencies. How nice it would be to only worry about what makes yourself happy.
I've come to the conclusion though that for the most part, someone's level of empathy is mostly physiological/genetic and there's little I can do to change that. If I tried on purpose to care less towards others, I'd probably start feeling sick/guilty -- a biological reaction that I wouldn't be able to suppress.
My point is obfuscated by the fact in many contexts the word "empathy" and "empath" are intended to involve not only the person practicing empathy, but also the interaction with the person to be understood.
What it boils down to is that you can understand what people are feeling and still decide to disregard them.
As a child, I was highly empathetic, caring, and frequently overwhelmed by others’ emotions. As an adolescent, I did a face-heel turn and became very manipulative, frequently lying, gaslighting, and emotionally abusing others.
But now it’s the positive aspects of both; I don’t feel emotions very strongly but am quite empathetic toward others, accommodating their needs with perceptive and manipulative skills honed by an adolescence of (frankly) sociopathy.
Being entirely self-serving gets old, actually. There’s not really any challenge in picking pockets or getting laid.
It does not advocating being an asshole, but discusses the "too nice" attitude (which, it turns out, is not nice at all).
A CEO can screw his shareholders in the short term. A CEO that takes care of his shareholders does well in the long term.
You can stiff a restaurant and run out on the tab. Helps your pocketbook. But you can never come back.
In essence, being an asshole helps in one round prisoner's dilemma games. Life is about repeat games. Cooperation, and putting yourself in the other person's shoes, is what it's all about.
Being an asshole takes some work and exercise too. All I'm saying is that I'm very surprised by the conclusion this article makes and would definitely suggest the opposite to the very few I care about.
Perhaps I'm extrapolating to the great extreme, but seeing this comment(especially the health part) I think what you used to be wasn't empahtetic good guy but rather a general good guy who can't say no. If this assessment is correct I think you've 'turned'(to your own diction) into not an asshole, but a self-assertive guy who can say no. That's somewhat different from being an asshole.
Though it may seem like an assholery, it generally is not.
I can definitely think of places where coming across as too empathetic makes one appear weak, and coming across as an asshole who has a plan and is going to make it happen (regardless of trivialities like feelings) makes one appear like a leader.
On the other hand, I tend to avoid them wherever possible, as I find this setup toxic to my own strengths and empathy.