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Perhaps I don't completely understand your reasoning, but I'd side with your wife. You're kidding yourself (or is it killing?!).

Why would your geographic location or the work habit of random strangers change who you are? What about taking some time off your bootstrapping startup until you can get on a healthier footing?

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I think I would be completely fine with capping my working hours to 60 a week at a single job. My question centers on whether that is acceptable to investors, employers, etc. If its not, then the valley probably isn't for me. I got a sense from some people out there that they work a lot more than 60 hours a week - but I'm not sure what is commonplace, or acceptable. So I'm trying to find out.

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