I hope I'm not remiss in perceiving strong dry humor throughout the first half of the story. My favorite part is where he looks at the cop in the car and keeps right on spraying:

As I moved the can back and forth, a police officer in an Interceptor go-cart saw me, slammed on his brakes, and pulled up to the curb behind me. I looked over my shoulder, made eye contact with him, and resumed. As I waited for him to jump out, grab me, or Tase me, he sped away and hung a left, leaving me standing there alone.

And in the next paragraph...

I woke up the next morning and Fox News was reporting that unknown suspects had vandalized City Hall. I went back to the entrance and handed the guard my driver’s license and a letter explaining what I’d done.

Fox News, unknown suspects... Maybe it's just me, but this had me laughing out loud.