Consider many of the antecedent events which might cause bitcoin to implode. How many of them leave unregulated derivatives exchanges up and capable of receiving your "Assign 10,000 BTC puts at $100 to those people who are short them" notice then rounding up a million dollars of actual money to send to you?
I've unfortunately wasted non-trivial time thinking about this, since if it were as reliable as shorting Zynga, I'd be as long puts as my risk tolerance can take.