Where on Earth do people learn to write this crap? Someone must be teaching it, because it's extremely prevalent, particularly from people in marketing.

One if the minor joys of my life is that as a native English speaker leaving in France, people often ask me to "correct the English" of press releases. When I run into word salad like your example I just tell my interlocutor that I don't understand what they are trying to say. After many minutes of them explaining, I rewrite the paragraph in plain English :) begone marketing-speak, I hereby banish thee to the low gates of Hell!