Hacker News Reader

Comment by ericabiz | Hacker News Reader

> That's rarely how wifes work.

Sigh...sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't change my username to "tokenwoman", a la "tokenadult". :P

This should go without saying, but not all "wifes" (sp) work the same. I had surgery recently and I would have loved this. Plus, I think it's awesome that the OP managed to score ask.io--a great, short domain name--and is using it for charitable purposes. Cool!

Also, I think I'd have enough trust and faith in OP that either:

1) His wife is aware of this and is supportive of it and/or 2) He knows his wife well enough to know that she'll get a kick out of it.

View on HN

Apologies, maybe I am misunderstanding this point:

>Sigh...sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't change my username to "tokenwoman", a la "tokenadult". :P

But are you suggesting that tokenwoman is synonymous with tokenadult, and by doing so suggesting men are children? If so, I consider this insulting rather than amusing. Sexist jokes are unwelcome regardless of the gender being targeted.

If I've misunderstood you, then so be it.

I think tokenadult's nickname is a reference to tokenism[1]. It's a tongue-in-cheek insinuation that he's the acting adult amongst a group of children. Just a joke.

If that is correct, then tokenwoman would be the one woman in a group of men. It's a joke within a joke, though unfortunately one with echoes of truth, statistically speaking.

Cool your jets, man. It wasn't meant to be offensive.

[1]: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tokenism

Not quite, tokenadult's username isn't not a tongue-in-cheek insinuation. The username originated on a website (http://www.artofproblemsolving.com/) where the majority of users actually are children, and he just chose to re-use that identity.

> Cool your jets, man. It wasn't meant to be offensive.

Please do not tell me to 'cool my jets'; this isn't 4chan. Now that the parent has explained what she meant, it's clear that it had nothing to do with conflating Woman and Adult.

That said, if it had meant what I thought it meant then it would have been worth calling out, whether offense was intended or not.

Excuse me, but... did you say "parent"? So you think you're a child?

You've misunderstood. My point was that women seem to be in rare supply on Hacker News. I find myself often commenting on items as one of the "token women" in the community (token, n. "a thing serving as a visible or tangible representation of a fact, quality, feeling, etc.")

Ah, and with the link further down to the TokenAdult username, it all makes sense. It was the link between Woman and Adult that was baffling me, as I've not been around the HN comments long enough to know who TokenAdult is.

Yep, a bit of inside baseball there, I suppose! Glad it's all sorted. :)

Or she was referencing this username... https://news.ycombinator.com/user?id=tokenadult

And are you sure all cards will be nice and fluffy?

Or, I'm sure an Atheist would receive a lot of "I'm praying for Jesus to make it better" cards (or any other way around really, this is just an example)

> an Atheist would receive a lot of "I'm praying for Jesus to make it better" cards

I'm an atheist. I've had believer friends ask if they could pray over me during a time when I was navigating difficulties. Do you know what I said? "I would be honored". Do you understand why? Because, while I don't share their belief system I recognize their request comes from only one place: love and caring. It would take a pedantic asshole to reject something coming from such a place. So, they did, and they felt better for it. And I did too. Good friends.

I am not necessarily critical of your comment. Just wanted to point out that not all atheists are militant fire breathing monsters. I do get upset when religion gets in the way of scientific truth and social justice (vaccines, gay rights, etc.). That said, in general terms, I am having trouble thinking of any believers in our group of family and friends whom I'd consider to be undesirable people. I would, without a doubt, be happy to receive a "I am praying for Jesus to make it better" card from any of them during trying times.

> Because, while I don't share their belief system I recognize their request comes from only one place: love and caring

This is true for some religious people, but not for others. Some religious people use their religion to tell you that you are in the wrong, and are going to pay for it if you don't come over to their views. For such people, their good wishes are a thinly disguised religious attack. And it can be annoying being their target.

As I said, it is only an example, and could go in a lot of different, but similar ways.

I wouldn't be offended if that happened to me.

"It would take a pedantic asshole to reject something coming from such a place"

Yes, that's the main problem, as there would be people sending offensive cards there's also "overly sensitive people" that would be beyond themselves because of something like that.

> as there would be people sending offensive cards there's also "overly sensitive people" that would be beyond themselves because of something like that

Agreed.

This is a depressing comment.

If there are people who would go out of their way to snail-mail an insult to an unwell and unfortunate target, then there is far less hope for the human race than I realized.

Alternatively, if you're suggesting that someone is so entrenched in their principles that when they need comfort or compassion, they won't appreciate a gesture of goodwill for what it is because they don't agree with the beliefs of the well-wisher, then, well, same thing.

Where's the assumption of good faith? Or at least hope for it?

Thanks for trying to make the world better, OP.

Why do you think most online communities have rules against posting real addresses? Because exactly these kind of things happen.

Online communities are sources of passion, emotion, argument, conflict.

There's a big difference between that and knowing basically nothing about a person other than that they're in a hospital and having a birthday.

Some people are really, really nasty. For no real reason. Unfortunately you only need an extremely small minority to fuck up a nice act.

I think the husband is smart enough to filter the cards.

oh, people would go out of their way to do a lot worse just because they have an address to focus on...

Not all the cards will be nice and fluffy, but the subset that are might still make her happy.

For religious/political/belief oriented cards, you can imagine filtering them, too. With that said, sometimes it's the thought that counts. Even if you don't believe in someone else's god, the fact that they wish you well is uplifting.

And so what if an 'Atheist' did receive a bunch of cards like that? Why does it matter? Is the 'Atheist' supposed to be 'offended'? That is pathetic.

And a lot of atheists wouldn't take offense to you sending such a card. Even Dawkins didn't take offense to people praying for him. He said that it wouldn't do any good, but he appreciated that people were thinking of him in such a way. Could someone be a real bad actor and do something unkind with this? Sure, but they can do that with anything. Should we shut down the internet because people can use it for distributing and consuming child pornography?

So, because a subset of people may decide to be a dick about something, this is a terrible idea and should be shut down immediately. Got it.

I was pondering whether I should put in a "or husbands" qualifier. Seems like I should have!

I also fixed the spelling.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com