The best part of it:

    if (typeof my_var !== "undefined" && my_var !== null) {
      // you idiots put Rasmus Lerdorf to shame
    }

The author's writing style does absolutely nothing for their credibility. I'm inclined to be very distrustful of anything anyone says when their first paragraph includes "butthurt" and "jackass". The author suggests that Ryan Dahl has no idea what he's doing, but all his opening paragraphs certainly don't give me the impression that the author has any idea either. Reading a bit further down the page doesn't change that impression.

I'm no fan of javascript, but I'm also no fan of internet tough-guys who think that throwing a few "fucking"s and "butthurt"s into their prose makes them seem like anything other than bullies. The only thing I take away from that criticism of node is that Ted Dziuba is an awful person.

I'm not a huge node fan, but these are some weak criticisms. Not sure "CGI" is really appropriate for all tasks.