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Comment by mattgreenrocks | Hacker News Reader

Dating is disgusting solely because of power dynamics. The whole thing reeks of entitlement from both genders. From the rating system (which requires a highly reductionistic view of people, to the point that it is damaging to you), to the pseudo-scientific alpha/beta monikers, to the creepy game advocates ("she says no, but she really means yes!"). Both sides pull out shoddy excuses for what amounts to knee-jerk dismissal of potential mates.

I've been dumped over the hazy prospect of something better more than once. AFAIK, those exes are still searching. But, I'm 31 now, and really happy as a husband to a wonderful wife.

Dating is severely overrated. The best thing you can do is get in and get out without becoming cynical from it. Long-term relationships are satisfying in a way that dating can never compare to.

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America has this unfruitful competetive-combative attitude to everything. You could instead think of dating as a mutual cooperative process of finding out if you two should really get together. The hate and dumping and gloating and sex exploits don't maky any normal emphatic person happy deep down.

You could instead think of dating as a mutual cooperative process of finding out if you two should really get together.

I like your world...let's live there instead.

I don't know about you, but I don't want to be in a zero-sum game with my future wife unless were on the same team. :D Treating the "dating game" as literally "game theory" game sounds like a rough start and not a fertile bed to plant seeds of lasting love built on mutual trust, compassion, etc.. /end romantic.

I think I internalized this attitude early on, and I'm still trying to shed it. Are things better elsewhere? If so, where? I'm already an ambitious person, I'm just sick of thinking I have to make something of myself.

(I'm taking responsibility for the last part, but being in a different environment might help too.)

Interesting you would say this. The other major paradigm to dating is, of course, arranged marriage. The main advantage that arranged marriage brings is that third parties are involved in price discovery, hence setting much more realistic expectations.

One of the most interesting things I found when discussing this topic with people of my parents and grandparents generation who dealt with this is that the first question for the parents or representatives of the female were always "How much money does he make?" and for the male were always "How pretty is she?". To this day, matchmaking services essentially ask the same questions.

Dating is supposed to be about everything else other than these two factors, but is it really?

agreed

the other thing, I think alot of these things gloss over what really constitutes 'winning',

with the divorce rate being what it is, simply having a wedding ceremony is a crappy accounting of victory

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