I thought I had the worst version control story but you won by a large margin. None the less, here's how version control worked at a place where I was contracting:
They used VSS for version control and in team of around 30 people only two folks had check in access. So how do I check in my changes? When you are ready to check in your files, you fill in a 'blue sheet' (a blue paper with form printed on it) by hand. You are supposed to write name, location on your computer for that file, VSS location of the file and comment for each file which you want to check in (by hand on blue sheet). I used to take one day to implement a change request but would take as much as two weeks just to check in the damn files as those gate keepers were always busy. And god forbid if someone else checked in the file which you intended to check in. The gatekeeper will send you back to reconcile the changes and you will be again at the end of the queue. Trust me, I used to get 'blue sheet' nightmares!
When I asked them why they have this weird policy, I was told that it was to prevent people from checking in the code with breaking changes and enforce code review. Mind you, while I was there, gatekeeper didn't review my code even once. Reminds me of the monkeys and banana story.