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Comment by cclogg | Hacker News Reader

Is this how people actually use their computers? I only watched the first couple of minutes, but it seems kind of odd. I did grow up with internet (25 now) but I don't use Facebook, so maybe I'm out of touch... but seriously do people just open tabs or flash games and porn while talking to someone via video chat? What's the point of video chatting then?

I will say though, the way he didn't really pay attention to her in Skype is similar to what I experience in person... with regards to people texting. I make a conscious effort myself to not text while with another person, and if I do text, I make sure to pause if they talk to me.

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Maybe it was more of a way to demonstrate that she didn't mean nearly as much to him as the electronic status he shared with her.

Or maybe the younger generation does multiplex much more than we've been accustomed to (I'm also 25 and don't use facebook).

I think the'generational gap' here is fascinating. I'm 18 years old and I browse the net like this, as do most of my male friends from conversations we've had. The only difference for me is that I don't have porn up while talking to friends.

As a 22 years old, my online life is a lot slower paced than in the movie. I also don't play video games(that often), I chat on IRC a lot, and don't use IM speak.

You use IRC.

No offense, but that alone puts you into a small minority.

I don't think I ever watched porn while chatting to someone, but occasionally I have been reading Hacker News while talking on the phone. Maybe that counts, too.

Well he was trying to watch porn before his gf called him.

He saved the link and closed it when they started talking.

I'm surprised he had so few tabs open. I'm 32.

> Is this how people actually use their computers?

Yes, I see it happening fairly often on my campus. Especially in very large lectures for introductory courses.

No, you'd have to be out of touch to think anybody does that.

I will say though, the way he didn't really pay attention to her in Skype is similar to what I experience in person... with regards to people texting.

I automatically lose any respect for anyone if they do this a few times in a conversation without warning. Infuriating and disrespectful. When you start texting during our conversation I lose the will to continue speaking.

When you check your phone, I check mine. It's a new social custom and it's not rude.

If it isn't rude, why are so many people offended by it?

People invented the "everyone's phone goes in a stack in the middle of the table, and if you touch it you pick up the check" custom because they find it so rude that people check their phones during dinner conversation.

When you're with someone, pay attention to them. Sure, if there's a long break in the conversation and neither of you has anything to say, maybe you can check your phone. But don't start checking it during an ongoing conversation; that's rude. That's a way of telling the person you're talking to that they're less important than the random minutia of facebook, texts asking if you're up for COD, the latest score in the football game, etc.

There are obvious exceptions. If mom's in the hospital due to a heart attack, or your best friend is stranded in the flood zone and you don't know if he's made it onto a helicopter yet, it's OK to signal to the people you're having a casual conversation with "hey, this is important enough that I'm willing to cut you off mid-sentence to keep up on it."

>If it isn't rude, why are so many people offended by it?

Because they're old and trying to apply old customs to new situations, instead of adopting new customs. No, not every single bit of dinner conversation will be riveting, and it's natural for our attentions to wander. So we alt-tab from the conversation into other sites, sometimes bringing something new into the conversation. This act is also a highly effective yet passive body-language signalling technique -- it allows us to more definitively signal our disinterest in the topic-at-hand without interrupting the speaker or others listening, and if everyone is on their phones it tells the speaker to change topic or let someone else speak.

I had a whole bunch of stuff that I typed but then I realized it all comes down to this: You're demanding that everyone be entertaining but forgetting that listening is a form of entertainment too.

So, please don't do what you're advocating, humans have not fundamentally changed; you're going to hurt people.

...

Also, dismissing things because they're old is going to ill-serve you, especially as a technologist.

I don't see the harm in reading a newspaper or staring out the window during table conversation, and I don't see the distinction between those and fb or a phone game or image site. If it hurts people, then those people need to toughen up.

Dismissing things because they're no longer relevant has served me quite well as a technologist.

> "they're old and trying to apply old customs to new situations"

I doubt it was seniors who came up with the phone-stack, and it's definitely not seniors who have spread the idea on social media. I see it spread by 20-somethings and even teens who are sick of people being rude by ignoring them.

It might be different if it was used to signal disinterest, when someone is just droning on and on. But people dive into facebook/texts/whatever on their phones even when they're interested in the conversation, and even when the person speaking has barely started. It's like a compulsion. A rude compulsion.

You're assuming I check my phone. I don't. Unless I get a call, which is when I say "excuse me I'll be quick, sorry", answer it, tell them to call back, carry on with conversation.

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