Comment by thegoodlab | Hacker News Reader

Comment by thegoodlab | Hacker News Reader

<opinion> This guy seems pretty lucky.

> I mean, how you can feel that burning love when you’re sitting at the table discussing how to use the last twenty dollars in your bank account?

These are types of issues that, IMO, people need to figure our while they are dating, and not just jump into marriage with someone before knowing how they handle tough, down-on-your-luck, situations. How you handle finances, how you divide chores, the dynamic of a family you want... all these things should be figured out before you pop the question, to make sure you're on the same page with someone before you make to commitment to be with them forever.

It's great this guy found happiness with his wife, but that's quite the gamble he took, not knowing those things before getting married.

</opinion>

I think the bigger issue here is they got married during the honeymoon phase of a relationship.

The first 6-12 month's of a good relationship are fantastic. Its exciting, full of lust and you get that lovey feeling with little effort.

However, as you get to know each other more and more the fire starts to go out. The relationship transforms into a deeper companionship. Where originally being yourself was enough you now need to make a small effort to show you care. Do something to make the other's life easier, or give them a small surprise etc. Instead of 'the fire' always being there you need to generate it.

People who don't make the effort get the feeling they aren't loved or start arguing or wake up one day and find out they are sleeping next to a friend.

I have been in a relationship for 9 years and am happy. There have been bad patches but it just takes a bit of perseverance to work through them.

I get the impression a lot of people expect a relationship stays in the honeymoon period or give up to easily when they hit a bad patch. I think it's a bit sad.

"The grass is greener on the other side." Some day's it is... but I have found if you go to that other side and give it a little while often what you originally had was better all along.

Yeah, I suppose that's what I was trying to allude to in my original comment.

Since he is an Chossid; very many of these details are spelled out by his religion and not left to chance; or pre-marital experimentation.

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