Comment by antninja | Hacker News Reader

Comment by antninja | Hacker News Reader

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I look good but I speak too softly and I don't know how to improvise in conversations. So for a one-to-one technical conversation I have no problem but for casual chats within a group, I just listen and get nervous if the attention is on me. It's due to a lack of experience in talking (and being talked to) combined to perfectionism. The problem is that I need a job soon, not after several years of trying to gain this experience.

I chose to learn programming thinking the job would just be me and a computer, referring to one boss, but there seems to be more meetings and customer interactions than I hoped. Other commenters said that more quiet programming jobs exist so I'll keep sending my resume to companies who build their own softwares instead of agencies. I'm just a bit despaired that no one wants to let me work.

In a more long-term way, I'm trying to create my own business (disrupt Facebook!). If I can't be the employee, I must become the employer.

A bit of friendly advice.

Being introverted is one thing, being socially awkward and getting nervous when people talking to you can be a hindrance. If you expect to create your own business, the most important aspect will be customer interaction; you will need to get past these issues in order to be successful.

I must admit that last sentence certainly isn't without irony!

Seriously though, I wish you the best of luck. My advice would be to get yourself a good portfolio assembled and then maybe approach small- to medium-sized companies and just be open and frank with them. If you can demonstrate you have the skills there will be someone out there who is happy just to have someone sat coding up briefs, reporting only to them. Larger companies might find it more difficult to get around the mindset that meetings are universally important and everyone eventually wants to be a manager. A small business owner might see someone like you as a godsend if you help them understand that in return for being largely undisturbed (in a social, obv not work sense!) you will be loyal and productive.

I've been dealing with similar issues for a couple of years now. At the worst point I was unable to talk in groups of unfamiliar people without my heart rapidly pounding and face flushing. Not sure if it's quite that bad for you, but I'd recommend googling social anxiety. After learning about that I ended up working with a therapist and taking a year of improv classes. This was by far the best thing I've ever done and really helped my conversation skills. It'll also help with your confidence, which will in turn reduce your nervousness.

Feel free to message me if you'd like to talk more.

> I don't know how to improvise in conversations.

This is hard for everyone. It's why people make so many references to television, movies, music and sports in their small talk.

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