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Comment by DannoHung | Hacker News Reader

India has some weird cultural aspects that I do not find appealing personally.

I had an Indian friend on a H1-B who talked a lot about getting a wife that cooked and cleaned and stuff and I always asked him, "Why not just hire a maid? Probably be cheaper." He could never come up with a good response.

I guess these attitudes come from being raised in a culture where it's the norm. I've got another few friends who are first generation and they never talked about anything like that at all. Makes me wonder what fundamental change in Indian society will disrupt those attitudes; will a simple increase in per capita income and an equalization of the labor pool do it, or is it at a more ingrained level?

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I guess these attitudes come from being raised in a culture where it's the norm.

I don't know where you live but the "woman as homekeeper" thing is the norm in most Western societies too. Women have, of course, worked throughout history but, culturally, it's been more the norm so far that women have taken housemaker and child raising roles. My mom left her job when she met my father and she has never been employed since. The same applies for about half, I'd say, of my friends' family situations.

It is not unrealistic or old fashioned for people who agree on their roles to settle into those roles. There is nothing wrong with anyone looking for someone who complements them as long as the intentions are good. Indeed, finding someone who doesn't complement you is more likely to result in disastrous relations.

It is an interesting point you raise. It is perfectly acceptable to agree on roles and settle into them.

But in this case, my guess is that these attitudes have more to do with holding onto a traditional belief in male-dominance than with any concerns for having different roles in marriage. And if I am guessing correct, such beliefs should not be encouraged and nor is it in the interest of any woman to seek out such a partner for herself.

Oh, totally. The issue, for me, is when society demands people act in a certain way. If my mom, my wife, or whoever, wants to be a house wife, I'm all for that. But if they wanted to be an artist, rock star, or whatever, no-one should stop them (well, except in my wife's case because she's tone deaf).

All that said, I don't see a problem in people specifying a "docile" housewife as a preference, no more than someone might want a "blonde" wife, a "nymphomaniac", or any such thing. Just because you prefer something doesn't mean you have the right to get it but nor does it mean you're "wrong" for having that preference as long as you don't force it on anyone else.

Please resist the temptation to generalize based on one experience. There are indeed cultural factors at play, but that is not enough to swipe a brush and paint all the Indians in the US in the same color.

I am an Indian living in the US myself. I married my (then) girlfriend because SHE got a job here and eventually it is me who is doing the "cooking and cleaning" because of being on a non-working visa :). I have plenty of Indian friends in the US who dont hold such narrow-minded views of getting a wife just to cook and clean for them.

"I had an Indian friend on a H1-B who talked a lot about getting a wife that cooked and cleaned and stuff "

you had one Indian friend who said something stupid and you generalized from that to "India has some weird cultural aspects "

Sure, that sounds like a good generalization :-)

PS: I am not disputing "India has some weird cultural aspects " only your process of inference. "X has some weird cultural aspects" for any country = X.

Your comments are really quite naive and dumb. I'm an Indian and I don't expect you to even find these aspects appealing. Hell, even I don't find them appealing. But your language "I guess these attitudes come from being raised in a culture where it's the norm" is derogatory. Please refrain from such attacking comments. Many educated and progressive Indians are aware of these aspects and attitudes are changing. But it's a culture, a very ancient one at that, and deep-rooted aspects about cultures don't change overnight, simply by flicking a few switches on and off.

Wait, so DannoHung says:

"I guess these attitudes come from being raised in a culture where it's the norm. "

You:

> Your comments are really quite naive and dumb.

and:

> ... aware of these aspects and attitudes are changing. But it's a culture ... and deep-rooted aspects about cultures don't change overnight...

Well which is it?

And you insult him no less.

I'm not insulting anyone. I felt the comments are misinformed and lacking any knowledge or awareness. May be my language suggested so.

As for, "... aware of these aspects and attitudes are changing. But it's a culture ... and deep-rooted aspects about cultures don't change overnight..."

No comments, it's a simple statement. And if you don't get it, well..

Most people don't want to have kids with their maid. Indians in this scenario prefer to marry people at the same socioeconomic level

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