The "STOP SPENDING SO MUCH MONEY ON HELICOPTERS AND MANAGEMENT CONSULTANTS" line reminded me of this piece, from the excellent Armando Iannucci Shows:
Other than that, the first two paragraphs made me think of my own startup, and how we can get users to engage more often and get more users. Immediately transported me into the head of our main users, and I had to message the developers on the team for thoughts.
Great post, and thanks for sharing!
Ianucci also made The Thick of It, which you should really watch if you haven't seen it. One of the best pieces of political satire ever made.