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Comment by zeteo | Hacker News Reader

Let your frustration out in a polite manner. They haven't hit you in the face or anything. Ideally you can use some appropriate humor, too. Make them feel a little bad, so they avoid doing it next time.

> they smile warmly at the waiting group, as they unwrap their bacon sandwich

"Wow, John, you should recommend this sandwich place to the rest of us... we were missing out on it while waiting on you"

> At 8.20, I was into my second glass of Pinot and at half-past I got a text saying ‘on the way’. We finally were all seated at 8.45.

"Guys, you'd better have a few shots. I've been working on this bottle since 8, when we were supposed to meet, and you have a lot of catching up to do."

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Is a passive-aggressive comment really the solution? It could backfire and make them feel defensive as easily as it could make them feel guilt. They're late all the time will become because your pedantry pisses them off and they don't want to spend time around you.

Habitual lateness could be engaged with positive reinforcement too couldn't it? This could be achieved by calling the latecomers before meetings or escorting them there early a few times until the habit changes.

Agreed. Business is full of enough passive-aggressive behaviour, no need for more. Either punish it with a real punishment, or ignore it. The best way to handle the meeting situation is to simply start making decisions without them. Eventually if they want their career to go somewhere, they'll start showing up on time. I find the post-college age range tends to do this kind of stuff, but when they don't get the promotion they're "clearly" entitled to, they start to behave like adults.

Passive-aggressive? Hardly. I was suggesting to make an (appropriate) joke out of it.

But your aim is to make them feel bad isn't it?

A little bit, yes, but in a friendly manner. The key is to do it early, when you can still laugh to yourself a bit about it. If you let the frustration accumulate too much, then it might come across as snide and I understand what you're saying about passive-aggressive. Still, even an occasional snide remark that vents some steam is better than boiling hotter and hotter on the inside.

> An occasional snide remark that vents some steam is better than boiling hotter and hotter on the inside.

We may have very different values, but if the alternative to venting steam is your prolonged unhappiness, it's for the best.

How about "You're late and we started without you."?

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