You can already do that in Bali without tortoise conversion therapy.

So being Mitch McConnell in other words, just without the waterfront living? I'm pretty sure he's a turtle, and is at least as old as Jonathan.

But then so is half the US Senate.

it kinda looks like he was taken from his home as a toddler and put in jail for like... 180 years or so?. very romantic indeed.