Strangely, I've heard this a lot, yet everyone describing it lays out their goals, and what they think it should be.

And talks of working towards those goals.

Nothing is mysterious here, it's just a new thing. We'll work it out, and once we do, we'll go from there.

As Buckeroo Bonsai said,

"No matter where you go, there you are!"

To be fair hardly anybody really knows what it means to be a regular member either.

seems like it's a relationship all parties want to define together & in conversation with each other. this sort of thing seems better to do slowly and openly rather than behind doors and try to force