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Comment by gulugawa | Hacker News Reader

Some friends I've known for over a decade clearly have ADHD, and I'm not going to tell them unprompted.

I feel like it is very disrespectful, especially when the conversation is about something completely different. Also, I'm not a medical professional, and it is possible that their ADHD-like symptoms are caused by something else.

That being said, if they ask if I think they have ADHD, or any other form of neurodivergence, I will say yes.

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Speaking as someone who only got our ADHD diagnosis in our late thirties and our autism spectrum diagnosis at forty fucking two, please consider just telling them. That could be years or decades of social, pharmacological, and even legal assistance that they deserve and need and aren't otherwise getting.

Resonate and agree with this 100%.

Second this too. I went through live until mid thirties thinking life just was that hard for everyone and I was just bad and shit at things, worse than others - I suffered alone thinking everyone had to be like me, because I'm normal right? It was a huge relief finally being diagnosed because I could finally understand myself better, even found community of sorts.. strategies that worked for others and most of all.. just allowing myself to be KIND to myself, not always beating myself up, being angry at myself for being shit.

Also agree with this, but want to caution: Bring this up as gently as you can

Don't accuse them of being ADHD, or insist too strongly

If you do bring it up, I would say make sure to really emphasize that you don't think they need fixing. It's something that might help them overcome their own struggles, not something to make them a better person for others, you know?

"I have always envied your ADHD hyperfocus superpowers." /h

Everything I am really good at, I am really bad at, depending on context and the wobbly compass that governs my internal motivation.

It is definitely not all bad. Without my hyperfocus, my life would be unrecognizable. I would be unrecognizable. Hyperfocus is core to so many things I am good at, care about, and have achieved.

I agree with this.

My ever optimistic self would fail and fail and fail, create a system, fail, create another system, fail, .... at seemingly easy things.

As soon as I had a rational reason for otherwise inexplicable challenges, enormous amounts of stress evaporated.

Now I know what things are a lost cause: So I get help, delegate, find another way. Being bad at something, and recognizing it, is not the same as failing.

Then tell them about ADHD. The main problem is that most people have no idea what it is, or how effective treatment can be. ADHD is one of the most poorly named and broadly misunderstood conditions ever.

Or, when the context is right, just ask, "hey, did you ever get diagnosed as ADD?"

I once had a close friend ask if I had [other syndrome], and my answer was "I have all the symptoms but don't care to seek a diagnosis."

It was a very polite way to inform me, and a polite way for me to say that I was happy living my life the way I want to live it.

Not only that but it's not always clear that friends don't already know! It's entirely possible their friends might have assumed that they already were aware and had been diagnosed.

Sometimes, a little nudge is all it takes. I didn’t get diagnosed until somebody close to me asked if I’d ever been evaluated. Highly recommend finding some way to bring it up.

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