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Don't be too mad at your friends. People are not receptive to being told they're odd. And as much as they might say "we knew", they didn't really. They might have suspected, but they cannot diagnose you. Many things are very clear in hindsight that weren't actually clear at the time.

I call this the “this boy ain’t right” diagnosis

I found out through a friend who has ADHD just talking about it and finding myself saying "oh god I know EXACTLY what you mean" too often. Then I stumbled upon the reddit adhdmeme community and found myself laughind and saying oh god so true to many of the posts there. Funnily enough now that I'm diagnosed I am noticing that I have unconsciously surrounded myself and just meshed much easier with ADHD people. My wife also has ADHD for example and was always undiagnosed, the friends at work I mesh best with.. you guessed it, also ADHD. Then I learned about how its to a majority genetics and a couple of months after (independent, not somehow induced by me) by nephew gets diagnosed too.

Some friends I've known for over a decade clearly have ADHD, and I'm not going to tell them unprompted.

I feel like it is very disrespectful, especially when the conversation is about something completely different. Also, I'm not a medical professional, and it is possible that their ADHD-like symptoms are caused by something else.

That being said, if they ask if I think they have ADHD, or any other form of neurodivergence, I will say yes.

Speaking as someone who only got our ADHD diagnosis in our late thirties and our autism spectrum diagnosis at forty fucking two, please consider just telling them. That could be years or decades of social, pharmacological, and even legal assistance that they deserve and need and aren't otherwise getting.

Resonate and agree with this 100%.

Second this too. I went through live until mid thirties thinking life just was that hard for everyone and I was just bad and shit at things, worse than others - I suffered alone thinking everyone had to be like me, because I'm normal right? It was a huge relief finally being diagnosed because I could finally understand myself better, even found community of sorts.. strategies that worked for others and most of all.. just allowing myself to be KIND to myself, not always beating myself up, being angry at myself for being shit.

Also agree with this, but want to caution: Bring this up as gently as you can

Don't accuse them of being ADHD, or insist too strongly

If you do bring it up, I would say make sure to really emphasize that you don't think they need fixing. It's something that might help them overcome their own struggles, not something to make them a better person for others, you know?

"I have always envied your ADHD hyperfocus superpowers." /h

Everything I am really good at, I am really bad at, depending on context and the wobbly compass that governs my internal motivation.

It is definitely not all bad. Without my hyperfocus, my life would be unrecognizable. I would be unrecognizable. Hyperfocus is core to so many things I am good at, care about, and have achieved.

I agree with this.

My ever optimistic self would fail and fail and fail, create a system, fail, create another system, fail, .... at seemingly easy things.

As soon as I had a rational reason for otherwise inexplicable challenges, enormous amounts of stress evaporated.

Now I know what things are a lost cause: So I get help, delegate, find another way. Being bad at something, and recognizing it, is not the same as failing.

Not only that but it's not always clear that friends don't already know! It's entirely possible their friends might have assumed that they already were aware and had been diagnosed.

Sometimes, a little nudge is all it takes. I didn’t get diagnosed until somebody close to me asked if I’d ever been evaluated. Highly recommend finding some way to bring it up.

Then tell them about ADHD. The main problem is that most people have no idea what it is, or how effective treatment can be. ADHD is one of the most poorly named and broadly misunderstood conditions ever.

Or, when the context is right, just ask, "hey, did you ever get diagnosed as ADD?"

I once had a close friend ask if I had [other syndrome], and my answer was "I have all the symptoms but don't care to seek a diagnosis."

It was a very polite way to inform me, and a polite way for me to say that I was happy living my life the way I want to live it.

> The most surprising thing my adult ADHD diagnosis revealed was that as I began telling friends that I had been diagnosed positive they told me they had known that since they met me. These were childhood friends.

As someone with peer reviewed ADHD but not official diagnosis, what are friends gonna do about it? They can tell you, you're always late and it's annoying but that's about it. At some point it becomes just who you are as a person, part of your character sheet. If you're not planning to change and it's mostly under control (have job, life, etc), does it even matter to put a label on the thing?

I feel like a diagnosis in my 20's would've been useful. Now it's like I got me my coping strategies and they work pretty well. If I do or don't have ADHD doesn't really change anything.

And for anyone else reading, the leading symptom of adult-diagnosed adhd is saying and thinking things like "I don't get it, ADD can't be real, that's just how everyone is"

different people with ADHD have different symptoms or effects. I think yes it absolutely matters because I have always secretly been hard on myself, that I am worse than others, struggled under extreme rejection sensitivity. It matters and helps, if only to be able to be a little kinder to yourself and have the ability to decide to get help in the form of a therapist, or medication, or find strategies that worked for others.

I'm ADHD and really struggle with similar things. I've been leading a really lonely life because I tend to isolate after any friction with people, assuming they don't like me anymore.

I know to people without this problem it probably sounds very childish and silly, but it's a real problem. I lack a lot of the inner social calibration of what is a big problem and what is not so I very often have social issues because I say something hurtful (unintentionally) and don't realize why it's a big problem. Then I say other stuff that other people are actually fine (or mostly fine) with but I stress out about it and agonize and isolate myself.

I also identify with being super hard on myself. For a recent example I replaced a door in my house recently. I had never done this before. I bought a power routing saw and cut the hinge mortises myself. Two of them were basically perfect, one of them was a bit jagged and it was off by 2 millimeters when I went to hang the door. I spent the next four hours pissed off at myself for fucking up the door!

After doing a franky great job for my first ever attempt at hanging a door, and never using a routing saw before. :/

That's not normal levels of self criticism

> I feel like a diagnosis in my 20's would've been useful. Now it's like I got me my coping strategies and they work pretty well. If I do or don't have ADHD doesn't really change anything.

This is what I told myself before I started taking medication around age 30. But ultimately my coping strategies felt flimsy, and I felt like my life could fall apart at any second.

Getting medicated and getting therapy has improved my life and evened out my emotional state an incredible amount. I still feel like me, just with a bit more stability and consistency.

I don’t think it’s ever too late to start medication. If you think there’s a benefit to it, it’s worth trying out.

I didn't know - but I was adaptively self-medicating.

At one time it was Jolt Cola ("all the sugar and twice the caffeine!"), then energy drinks came along. I can drink 10 a day, because I genuinely function better that way.

But Adderall works really well now, and unlike caffeine, it doesn't set me up to lose sleep.

>then energy drinks came along. I can drink 10 a day, because I genuinely function better that way.

I did that for a bit, for the same reason. now couple of years developed issues with high blood pressure, so be carefull with that approach.

For years I heard I was ADHD from my parents, and while some questions when I got diagnosed no longer applied, weeks later, I reflected on them. One in particular was alluding to something to the effect of "has anyone ever told you to stop you're doing too much" which yeah, I was running at full speed all the time when I was younger, probably more than all my cousins.