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Why should I give a shit what 95% of other countries do? 99% of other countries are worse in every way that matters

There's about 193 countries in the world, your number would mean there's less than two countries that are better in every way that matters.

I can name ten countries off the top of my head that are better in every way that matters to me.

The USA ranks near the bottom of developed countries in every metric but the metrics related to money.

US is 23rd in happiness globally which is far from the bottom. For example UK, France, and Italy all rank lower.

So your claim is wrong.