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Comment by drob518 | Hacker News Reader

Then they’re doing it wrong. That’s a faux “connection” that just serves the business and not you. I would bet that if you experienced true connection, you’d love it, but you’ve been scammed by fraudsters so many times that you are suspicious of anything that doesn’t feel strictly transactional.

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Even the first story in the article sounds gross and creepy to me "The team became mini-concierges. Every guest walked in to find someone who knew them — not in a creepy, surveillance-state way, but in the way a good friend remembers what you’re going through."

I'm not going through anything. I just want some dinner.

And to be clear, the only reason they are doing this is strictly transactional. Good friends don't ask you to pay the bill at the end of dinner.

I thought of an example of how this should work.

My parents used to go to the same restaurant every Friday night, for many many years. A little chit chat at the register each visit, it doesn't take long before you actually enjoy seeing that person. I began to suspect they continued going just so they had an excuse to see their friends.

You can't engineer these relationships, but you can encourage your staff to be open to a little chit chat. Make sure your team has the time and energy to be friendly. Your team has to be happy, and its needs to show.

I have no problem with the idea that you are going fill your place with good vibes so people actually want to go and hang out there!

I also had an older relative who took me to a nice restaurant several years ago. He had gone to that same restaurant since the 1970s and even though it had changed names over the years, he usually asked for the same waiter, an older man who had worked there for decades. They had chatted about their kids and other things in life. Maybe they weren't the most intimate of friends, but I've felt this same desire in some coffee shops and restaurants, where I want to talk to the same employee again and catch up on at least a couple of things we've discussed before. Maybe we don't do that with every business transaction, but it's nice to experience every now and then.

We used to have a holiday home in Cornwall when I was young. My father used to have a pint or two at the local pub most evenings when we were there, and we were there 3-4 weeks every year. Eventually we sold the house and stopped going.

My father happened to go back there about 15 years later, randomly on a road trip through Cornwall and thought he'd stop in for a pint for old times' sake. On walking through the door, the barman said "hello Simon, good to see you again, pint of the usual?".

I wonder how many people call in to have a pint at the pub purely because of that barman. I wonder if that pub has survived the cull of British pubs purely because of that barman.

My parents go to a kitbar (wine bar with open kitchen and waiters/bartenders who cook) every Wednesday night and have for a decade. They know the staff and have friendly chats with most of the people who work that shift, and it's a nice break in the week for them to get to chat with some young people who aren't their descendants. I come along when I'm in town, and everybody seems happy and cheerful. People work that kind of job, as opposed to, say, data center technician (a big career in that area) because they don't mind making connections with strangers.

>Good friends don't ask you to pay the bill at the end of dinner.

it goes both ways. Good friends aren't expected to be free-loaders.

Unless you can give a specific example of a "true connection", I don't think they would.

To "go beyond their expectations" requires understanding what they expected to begin with. They just told you that they want a transaction, not a sales pitch or series of intrusions. Things are considered trivial when they do not fit that person's lifestyle. Doing a whole lot of "yes and", rough personality profiling, or goal guessing isn't going to cut it either.

Many people just want to be left the hell alone. Many people have even shouted from the rooftops they'd pay absurd money to be left the hell alone. I guess nobody wants to make money, nor provide a "true connection".

I’ll take “No true Scotsman” for $800 thank you Alex.

> I’ll take “No true Scotsman” for $800 thank you Alex.

One valid use of "true" means "genuine", "loyal", and/or "faithful". Thus making the sentence fragment "if you experienced true connection" tantamount to "if you experienced genuine connection."

There are many businesses I frequent where I have a "true connection" with the people representing same, from well-known national chains to sole proprietorships.

Asserting the existence of the "no true Scotsman" fallacy in this context is inapplicable.

I mean, I feel like that's what kentm is saying.

Businesses say they're trying to build "connection", but all they care about is getting customers to spend more and remain loyal to them. They don't care about connecting, which is why they will always fail.

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