> I went looking for my 6-month old iPad’s specs on Apple’s site, > only to discover that there’s simply no mention of it.

It must be tough being blind, or at least intentionally blind, or at least having never heard of google.

http://support.apple.com/specs/

> There’s the low-res iPad 2, mini, and the crown jewel: > “iPad with Retina display” — y’know, because there’s only ever been one.

That is because the page you are talking about is the page for models they are currently selling in the store.

> I’m well accustomed to rapid releases, but > obsolescence-by-pretending-it-never-existed tells me that > the reality distortion field is alive and well.

That is so cute how you take some old press narrative from 20 years ago and try to make a whole post out of it. Could you not figure out how to fit in the words "beleaguered" and "mercurial" as well?