If I got poop on my arm, I wouldn't use toilet water to wash it off.

This to me is the #1 reason I don't want bidets and would never use it. Pretty much the most repellent idea to me is the concept of the toilet spraying me back.

How's this for an idea... a sink next to the toilet where I can warm a piece of paper with water and use it. Nice, simple, and works well.

Or baby wipes. Those work really well too. Replicate this with an "adult version".

Toilet spray? No thanks. Ever