Just ended up in a very similar situation at the end of 2024. My mother and I lived together for quite a long time after my parents split in the late 90s. We were both broke as fuck, so we took care of each other through the years. Splitting rent and groceries and shit. Just scraping by. We were good friends and roommates, even if we bickered all the time. Towards the end of the 2010s her health started going downhill fast, putting me in a caretaker role, until it came to a head in 2024 and she passed on US election night.

She was in the hospital for a fall, and it just kind of spiraled. A week later she passed.

And suddenly, just like that, I was alone after 40+ years.

I have IRL friends, but they don't live close by. We meet up semi-regularly for lunch. I've been putting events on my calendar to have at least SOMETHING to attend every month. Trying to travel more. Do stuff that was impractical to do as a caretaker.

But the day to day... I'm "lucky" because I'm a coder, gamer, etc. A great deal of my day job and off time is, well, computer shit.

And it gets to me, for the first time in my life. Like, I've literally had the words "How do single people... live?" pop up into my head on numerous occasions... how do I "do a human", if you will.

Been a year so far, and I still don't know. Just taking it a day at a time. I try to fill the void with exercise, trying to get fit. Probably going to explore cooking at some point. I found a love of hiking late last year and found out I had a whole bunch of great trails nearby that I never even knew about. I try to attend protests. Hang at the library a bit. Check the local events calendar (rarely anything interesting to me, but I try). Took a firearm safety course. My big one last year was taking the train into NYC to visit the Statue of Liberty -- that was a blast. Had to teach myself how to use the subway and stuff. Local comic book conventions are another fun stop.

Stuff like that. Scattered, random stuff of interest and within means.

But I do find myself struggling to make the effort just for me, you know? Like, I want to do this stuff, but I want to do it WITH someone. I don't even mean that in a romantic sense -- just another person in general. Because if it's just "me", it's a lot tougher to justify. I have to force it. (And I do.) Luckily I can drag some folks along now and then when the stars line up. :P

(And yeah, dating sites are awful now. They were a lot of fun around the late 2010s, but now they're just the worst. Between the predatory pricing of the services, and the ever-increasingly likelihood of generated scam content, it's not worth the effort now.)

Anyway, I wish I could say things get better. I haven't hit that point yet, just over a year in. I just got 'used' to it and found a routine, but it's tough. I don't know how the natural loners do it. It's scary stuff. Especially when you're older (49 here).