Hacker News Reader

Comment by fundad | Hacker News Reader

I found it uncomfortable as a kid when I saw how my parents handled begging: ignoring it. I remember one time my father saying "that's ok". And I either say "no, sorry" or ignore.

I've heard of kids from cities being given money so they always have something to give a mugger instead of looking like you're holding out, I don't go that far but I remember it to keep perspective.

I recently made an effort to carry cash with me so I can leave tips in cash, still working on that. Would you be open to keeping singles on you to give? You can even give max of one per excursion and then decline or ignore the rest or any combination but maybe having that as a plan can help you feel comfortable. Yes you're training yourself and it's because you deserve the benefits of training.

As for non-bums hello is good, also fist bumps and nodding upwards; that stuff is cool AF and make people so damn happy.

View on HN

Yeah it's funny I'll sound like I'm virtue signaling here, I donate. Food groups, NHA, stuff like that. Where I live there's usually a person at a red light waiting to "ambush" you. Same at a grocery store, soon as you exit the door solicitors going "excuse me sir".

But yeah it would be easy to just have a $5 to hand out. It's just you know how many people are there and will it stop there kind of thing. Yeah I sound like an asshole I get it. I also have sent over $100K to my own family in support and I'm -$80K in debt so it's not like I'm hoarding my money or something.

It just annoys me. But sure it'll be easier to just say "here you go" and hand out cash.

In my experience a few times people will ask for money if they see you giving someone else something, but not that often, and you can shrug through it and say that was your last dollar or something. Keep the interactions short and easy and try to carry the loose bills outside of your wallet so no one can actually see how much you have inside it?

Exactly one time after I did this, a guy asked me to send something to his venmo since I really only had a dollar. Probably my strangest interaction.

     a guy asked me to send something to his venmo

Ah, the mark of a true professional beggar. ;)

Yeah I'll probably be smart and just empty my wallet except ID and some loose cash. I just don't like it the idea someone coming up to you asking you for money and you're expected to just do it, give it to them. It's funny too as soon as they get what they want or don't get what they want, they're like f you and move on. Ahh well I just wish I didn't care. I'm too soft/care what other people think of me.

It's like points on a website "oh no I got downvoted", there's a thing as being you/not being a conformist

I think I purposefully need to get into a fight you know overcome it, like expect anyone who comes up to me to fight me

I'm gonna stop ranting but it's not like it's hard to get laid, it's just my standards are high like she's gotta be a dime or fit at least. So that means I also have to be fit/good looking which I haven't cared much before as far as good haircut/good clothes. I at least am lucky with my genetics for fitness but I also have not been as cut as I could be. But ultimately I know it's my mind that's f'd.

You don't sound like an asshole because you aren't saying bad things about the people who have the least.

It's up to you, you can just, to yourself, write down the words you'll use to write down that you'll ignore them to become more comfortable with your boundaries.

Personally I don't think handing out cash is helpful so it's not about charity it's my advice to pre-plan how you'll respond to be more comfortable than you are in reaction to these situations.

It is a quick escape though to be like "here you go" and move on but also opens you up to "that's it?" I've had that happen even when I said "I don't have cash" well I have Venmo I'm like alright... yeah I don't want to have this mindset but also can't be naive too kumbaya.

You have the right but not the obligation to give. The person asking has heard a lot more no's than you could stomache, so one more won't kill them.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com