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I think the easy play in that situation is to ask that someone else to show the menu to you

That situation sounds like fun! You let your friend(s) pick something for you. This frees you to do more spontaneous things and keep the social energy flowing. I've personally done this even when there was a printed menu and eating wasn't the point.

I think people need to really lighten up sometimes.

Good luck doing this with any romantic partner.

I'd say you're auditioning to be my new mom anyway.

I'm sorry, but what's wrong with asking my partner to choose something for me?

Am I supposed to get upset with what they choose? I'm not saying I would leave. I'm saying I would stay and let someone else pick something for me to eat.

In that case, I could just read it off of their phone

Nah; reading it off the phone is the whole thing I'm trying to avoid. Doesn't matter who's phone.