Hacker News Reader

Comment by nuancebydefault | Hacker News Reader

30 years ago it was rather normal that a manager would touch the behind of a coworker, which is clearly a bad thing. Nowadays looking in their direction a bit too long seems to be labeled 'not done'.

Some time ago I said to a coworker who I consider as a friend : 'I enjoy your company'. Another (younger, italian) coworker told me to be careful after I said to him 'she has such a soft voice'.

I really did not expect that reaction. To my feeling, no line got crossed and the fact that we are still friends and at times even share our thoughts about love and relationships in general, proves that we trust and respect each other.

View on HN

>30 years ago it was rather normal that a manager would touch the behind of a coworker, which is clearly a bad thing. Nowadays looking in their direction a bit too long seems to be labeled 'not done'.

I was in the workforce 30 years ago and, no, it was absolutely not normal.

It was what we called an "HR violation" and a "Career limiting move."

Not sure where you were 30 years ago, but except in bordellos and strip clubs that wasn't "normal." Not even close.

It was not normal in a semse normal managers would do it and everyone would aprove.

On 1995, which is 30 years ago, it was neither normal nor accepted. You was major asshole if you did it and lawsuits were already won.

Perhaps in 1975. The earliest I remember a dude at the office getting fired for harassment was around 1988.

> 30 years ago it was rather normal that a manager would touch the behind of a coworker, which is clearly a bad thing. Nowadays looking in their direction a bit too long seems to be labeled 'not done'.

That was a huge no-no 30 years ago, at least in the US. In fact, it was a major no-no at my first job in 1979 and would get you fired.

Maybe I'm a few years off but you got my drift.

Safest thing to do is just leave no possible room for doubt. This means you can’t be friends with your coworkers, which is disappointing, but the tail risk of accidentally saying something that crosses the line is too severe when it comes to professional consequences.

Fear is a bad advisor! I take the risk because i know that most people around me know me and trust that i say such things in good faith, without patronizing or overly flirting with people of the opposite sex. If it should have any profesional consequences, then maybe i would have the wrong employer.

You seem to be to afraid to be friends with your coworkers because of potential consequences? If that is so, i'm sorry, you are missing out a great deal in life.

I think this is right. Continue to connect with humans and try to evaluate their actions in good faith. Don’t be a creep but don’t skip life either.

Unfortunately if someone chooses to interpret your words or actions in an uncharitable way there’s not much you can do other than move on. It’s their burden to carry, not yours (except when there are real world consequences but I do think that’s a rare circumstance)

That sounds like a terrible advice that all the creeps are taking with predictable results.

A creep is going to be a creep with or without this advice.

I cannot tell if this is /s or not but yikes…

Yes! Good Working drone! You must keep on working, that’s your purpose after all!

Ah, Anglo-Saxon work culture, where one can't imagine not making friends at work because they have no social life outside of work.

Not making friends at work because you have fulfilled social life already, and not making friends at work to avoid any danger to your career are two very different things.

Not making friends at work, because it's not a good place to make friends, might push you towards ensuring having fulfilled social life outside of work.

I say this without rancor: unless I miss my mark, you don't live or work in the United States. You don't understand the stakes. I envy your life brother; I hope you appreciate it.

I live and work in Europe but I used to travel a lot for work to the US. Friendship or making friends indeed seems to work differently there, which was hard to grasp from my cultural pov. That said, I made a good friend there.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com